################### buttload4 release 1 begins #######################

* st2 sees all
* st2 gno all
* st2 gcc all
* cmos gdb st2

<st2> Believe it or not! Vancouver got a total of 40hours of sunshine in the WHOLE month of January!
* st2 needs to find a place that is sunny...so that he can hide indoor with his computer in sunny weather.

<Epesh> vrml pr0n? woohoo!
<mike2_> and for the origin users in the audience, realtime OpenGL pr0n

<st2> *** CTCP PING reply from sjh: 917878873 seconds
* st2 is receiving packets from 1970.
<st2> ..it's like the background radiation from the original Big Bang..of Darpa

<docfu> let it pr0n let it pr0n let it pr0n

<fortuita> does anyone want to watch lawrence of arabia with me?
> argh... why in hell do people use windows?
<fortuita> because they dont get enough lawrence of arabia... that's my theory and I am sticking to it

<simon> zIpp: please ask in the channel; /msg's screw up my script :-)
<Ka-as> simon: Light can handle messages
*** Ka-as has been kicked off channel #linux by simon (I know that, but I need an excuse for people not to /msg me)
<DataThief> sjh...what am i typing in bold?
> data, your bold colon
<DataThief> y do i care if itz bold.....
<Coma> data: it messes up simon's script

* Coma ponders getting 'all you need to know to look smart' volume 2
<Coma> or the professional edition: 'if you really wanna be a smartass'
<Epesh> coma: I wrote a lot of that one
<Epesh> my ass is really really smart
<Coma> epesh: oh, cool. can i have a signed copy?
<Epesh> coma: however my ass can't write and I'm not sticking a pen in there

<GrndZero> Why don't you make a porn distro
<GrndZero> Every X configuration app will be chock full of porn
<GrndZero> You click on the pussy instead of "okay", you click on the dick for "cancel"

<Paul-K> And of course, really weird code. "Well, this code that seemed so brilliant when I was up at 4:30am, now seems to be a chant about monkey beards."

/* editor's note: the next two entries were contributed by akopps */
<GrndZero> unix makes my dick grow
* akopps remembers about GrndZero saying that one's dick size is inversely proportional to speed of his hardware
* sq-afk must have a 2incher..damn

<GrndZero> Strider: So? My penis is 12" longer than yours, and my penis is 11"

* Coronach is desinging a new interface to his mud.
<Zymurgy> what you gonna call it.. a shovel?

/* editor's note: Coma's name is John */
<Coma> naveen: snmp
> hmm SJMP simple coma management protocol, it is a design based around the beer brewing industry
<Coma> "SJMPd should reply with a beer packet when a thirst packet is sent from the client"
> wondering if there are spirit datagrams
<Coma> sjh: nah, i like streams. streams of beer
<Coma> sjh: from my /etc/services: throat 1066/tcp, says enough
<Coma> asako: yep. it's used for SJMP
<Coma> sjh: Feb 10 11:14:38 demesmaeker in.sjmpd[1066]: beer from cyclone
> coma, set a machine up in a local pub :) #I# cmos_ (~james@beer.n.linux.net.nz) joined channel #linux
* Coma connects to cmos for a brewski
<Josh> Coma: on what port?
<Coma> josh: beer 1067/tcp
<Coma> connects to throat 1066/tcp
<Josh> telnet localhost 1067
<cmos_> Coma: i use funnel(8) as a port forwarder
* Coma should get more bandwidth, like 40 gallons/sec
<Josh> HELO bartender.org
* cmos_ codes /dev/beer into the kernel
* Coma ponders tunneling to the vending machine
<cmos_> void beer (*amount) { get(hops); get(malt); get(barley); carbonate((struct brew*)&beer); ioctl(&beer, BEER_DEV, sizeof(brew));}
<Coma> i think SJMP needs a food addon
* Coma alters the rfc
> what about the nourishment and good nutritional content of beer
<Coma> sjh: hmm. don't know if you can call this stuff food, but hey
> hmm so add a vending machine interface ot the RFC
<Coma> hmm. now you mention it. every beer is equal to 2 slices of bread
> and it means you can have a perky_breasts() system call
* cmos_ eats a few loaves
<Coma> hmm. sjh, a connection to breasts, would that be tcp, udp or just a icmp
<cmos_> udp
> coma, encapsulated in the vending machine add ons for the SJMP so whatever protocol is used by SJMP
<cmos_> connectionless
<Coma> sjh: so, i'll have a breast stream
> hmmm connectionles.. I wonder how women would feel about having detached breasts
<Coma> route to breasts lost
<Josh> or how about when you were writing the interface...you could concievably have a dangling pointer to a detached breast...
<cmos_> of course, the malloc of the breasts would have to be dynamic, and use multiple sliding structs
<cmos_> malloc: out of memory while allocationing memory for (struct tits*)huge;
<Josh> cmos_: naturally...you would have to use linked lists, definately...a linked list of breasts...cool.

<Epesh> I'd break the camera. I'm a troll. in fact, I scare off trolls.
<Epesh> I'm what little trolls think live under THEIR beds.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by docfu */
> i like the rfc's
> they are all written like the book of genesis
> there was darkness and then <state your name> said "let there be <idea>, and let it use commands such as <1>, <2> and <3> and may they be on port <number>." Amen!

* Zymurgy got kicked out of the boy scouts for eating brownies... :)

/* editor's note: this was contributed by akopps */
<co> shocking:coudl u let me see your fstab ?
<shocking> co ...uh no
<shocking> cause no self respecting grrrl would show her fstab to anyone

<Gnuspice> shit, you know you've been doing too much SQL when you're at a prompt and do SELECT * FROM /bin;

<Epesh> and only MY opinion counts.
<Dez> epesh> That's debatable...
*** Dez has been kicked off channel #linux by Epesh (I win!)

<Greyfox> You want ME to beat YOU with a TOILET BRUSH?

<Epesh> one thing's for sure, we all end up the same way, toast, mold, bones (well, maybe grit)
<st2> others end up in a UFO..

<Zymurgy> #define NULL NULL /* because I can dammit! */

<Epesh> adi: you need to construct the if properly, man bash
<Epesh> no go forth and mend your stupid ways.
<adi-> Epesh: can you tell me how to construct it?
<Epesh> adi: not as well as "man bash" can

#I# xL changed nickname to Ze7oK00L
* Ze7oK00L I have bash.tar.gz, /msg me for huge trade!!!!!
* c0m4 i'll trade y00 for xfree 3.0
<Moshing> 0-d4y linuX kern3lZ 0n mY CaBlE M0deM fTP!! TRADE OR SWAP!
<Coma> hmmm. mv /boot/vmlinuz freeshell.exe
<Coma> then dcc it to that moron from a few secs ago
<aiel> actually Niels did dcc /dev/zero to a warez luser once
<xL> aiel: I did it with /dev/random once, took the guy 4MB to figure it out :)
<aiel> after about an hour or so, the guy asked him, "BTW, what the hell are you sending me?"

<HoPeLeSS> I have indecent thoughts about the teletubbies

/* editor's note: this was contributed by docfu */
<l0tik> i wish i could see someone do it. i think i can learn better visually
> rent a porn video
> or ask shocking, i'm sure she has a few...
* Zymurgy spanks docfu for being a bad bad little boy... :)
<Tasuki> LOL
<l0tik> hehe
> heh ok i can't resist
*#* You are now known as moshing
<Zymurgy> hahaha
> ooh harder! harder! give it to me!
> cmon bad boy!
* Zymurgy ^5's docfu
*#* You are now known as docfu
> ok enough of that :)
<Zymurgy> lol
> well done eh?
* docfu bows

-Coma- [#linux] is .au that bad?
>>-sjh- [#linux] we have way too many lamers on this channel from .au per head of population -xL- [Fellow Lamers on #linux] sjh: if only sheep could irc, the quota wouldn't be so bad

* Moshing is Puerto-Rican, and has a hard time trying not to sign his checks with a can of spraypaint.

* Tasuki sips on his b33r
* Xscope sips his w4t3r

<xL> heheh, PIMIX sounds nice
<Epesh> xL: now, that sounds like a woman's monthly problem
<pur-angst> xl: yeah, a little too close to PiMiS
<xL> ok i'll just call it Penix
<xL> "the OS for people with ballz"
<xL> heh, boot /vmscrotum
<Epesh> hmm, "I upgraded my penix today"
<xL> "Hmm, penix has grown 4MB today. What a bloat"
<Epesh> "I installed the new vibrator option"
<Epesh> "It needs artificial stimulation!"
<Epesh> "I don't WANT my penix to multitask."
<xL> "My penix kernel just ejaculated". Sounds much better than a coredump :)
<xL> I don't even want to _start_ discussing the sticky mode :)
<xL> Plus the obvious implication of renaming the fork() systemcall

/* editor's note: this was contributed by tasuki */
<Tasuki> Hmm... I can feel my brain wrinkling reading this book
<docfu> cool
<docfu> its like that feeling you get in your pants when you look at pr0n, but its in your mind instead :)

#I# Signoff: st2 (Well, after playing all these CDs, I think it's time to rewind them)

<doc-sole0> but he pulled out a bunch of dog hair, and now all is good :)
<Coma> *shrug* doghair?
<Coma> wtf is that doing in a cdplayer
<doc-sole0> no idea
<doc-sole0> we've found dog hair inside our sealed remote's for the tv
<doc-sole0> that shit is amazing
<doc-sole0> it could break into the FBI's headquarters no problem
* doc-sole0 sends the doghair over to russia for training
* Coma imagines l33t doghair
* doc-sole0 sicks his attack doghair on coma
* Coma tries to firewall the doghair out
* doc-sole0 watches the doghair squeeze through BETWEEEN the ports
<doc-sole0> port 2145.94358709238750298375 is wide open!
* Coma installs in.doghaircatcherd
<doc-sole0> you mean in.dochairvaccuum?

<st2> The people in Noah's Ark kept complaining about rain that lasts for 40 days and 40 nights..They haven't lived in Vancouver yet.

* Tasuki puts on some more UDJOA
<st2> DOA?
<st2> Dead Just On Arrival?
> Dead after Jumping On Arrival
> ahh Zombies
> Un Dead something or other starting wityh j On Arrival
<st2> Dead after Jumping Off an Airplane?

<aiel> ik? maar dat doet ik nooit!
<Epesh> golly dutch sounds like a retarded language, unlike hebrew
<Epesh> in hebrew that'd probably be: hacckkkkk spit ptttthew kkkk chchchchch uck

#I# st2 changed nickname to ahnie #I# Signoff: ahnie (I'll be boc!)

<docfu> i think we should just axe the entire internet ip system and switch to the dewey decimal system
<docfu> you'd know exactly where everything is at! we could put all of the search engines out of business!

<someguy> we should have .xxx and .pron top level domains
<docfu> yeah, .xxx can be for money and .pron can be free, like GNUpr0n

<megazoid> does anyone know were to get the source for BitchX 75 ?
<RelDrgn> megazoid: out of panasync's ass?
<RelDrgn> megazoid: click on the link that says 'source enemas' then grab your ankles

* Tamahome sets mode: +baka minna-san
<uz> alright, who made the channel +baka mini-san again?

* hades hands tasuki fu's copy of 'the joy of sex'
* Zymurgy notes that doc's copy is still in the original wrapper....
<shocking> yeah doc dont need it
<hades> course he don't
<hades> he just got the 12 book set from o`reilly!
* hades looks at the title list
<hades> 'sex for geeks part 1 and 2' 'make love, not configure' 'effective grepping' '69 ways to mount' 'sex and sed: getting it the way you want it'
<hades> hmm what else do we have
<hades> 'bedtime fables: linchicks do exist!' 'pr0n: its money to 15 year olds' 'sex and dumb terminals: are you getty'ing some?' 'the c programmers guide to children'
<hades> 'the firewallers guide to birth and disease control'
<hades> 'GNU hurd: sex for the masses'
<hades> man, i'm going to have to borrow all of these!

<docfu> it lands heads, shocking, tails zymurgy, on the side, cheetara, and if it doesn't come down....

############ buttload4 release 1 ends, release 2 begins ##############

<docfu> sjh i always say that about msvc programmers too
<docfu> _they_will_underscore_and_mis-CAPITALIZE_every_damn_chance_they_get
> notice the large change in the latest wine changelog was they went through and renamed all functions they could to match MS Naming Style
<st2> might as well run wine through swedishchef.c
<st2> bork bork bork

<st2> If they had detonate a nuke, do you:
<st2> a. send in a bunch of marines to detonate it?
<st2> b. send in army guys to detonate it?
<st2> c. drop the motherfucker off a bomber?
<docfu> 'the airforce dropped motherfucker 1 on hiroshima today'
<docfu> 'the motherfucker exploded killing everyone in the city'
<docfu> 'the men on the plane noted thats the nastiest motherfucker they've ever seen'
<docfu> 'another motherfucker was dropped on nagasaki, that motherfucker destroyed most of the city and it was seen 50 miles away'
<docfu> 'the french have been dropping motherfuckers in the south pacific lately'
<docfu> 'india began motherfucker testing recently, pakistan responded by making their own motherfuckers'
<Zymurgy> docfu: how exactly do you test a motherfucker?

/* not irc quote but I found it amusing */ [16:00:08] 1 sjhmmj sjh ~>ssh cjdena579.uwsp.edu Linux tlg 2.0.36 #1 Fri Nov 27 22:40:16 CST 1998 i586 unknown rm -rf'ing ~/*...done Reseting .bash_profile...done Initializing quota support...done...1mb allocated. Setting core allowance to 0...done Limiting ram to 0.01%...done renicing your shell...done Welcome to pure hell, have a nice day. No mail. [23:01:44] 1 tlg sjh ~>

<shocking> i get bored playing with myself so i wouldnt know

* belarus prefers something stable...
<belarus> ..chair, for example ;)
* Tasuki watches belarus's chair seg. fault and dump him into the floor
<belarus> argh... Tasuki, stop DOSing my chair!!!

<exel> sorry if we sound paranoid, but we're unix people we're supposed to

<Tasuki> Nagaku kisugita no kana... miji wo hareba naosara... sukiman hirogaru bakari!
<Zymurgy> Tasuki: you tell em!
<Zymurgy> .m Tasuki what the hell did you just say? :)
<Tasuki> .m Zymurgy I have no fuggin idea

> hmm they keep talking about multi headed X but what about multi arsed? shouldnt someone support a multi arsed X like those monkey's in southpark
<st2> faggot monkey's dream come true..

* docdaleck watches as a lowly pig walks up to zymurgy and asks if he can borrow that brick and mumbles something about inbred relatives and a wolf...
<Zymurgy> damn, put a pig and a brick in the same sentence and sjh buttloads it every time...

* Epesh grabs his penis... comfortably
* xL goes for a smoke
<xL> (freudian replacement penis)
<Epesh> "Tell me about your cigarette."

* asako thought masturbation was by definition comfortable.
<Epesh> asako: well, you might be into ROUGH masturbation.
* asako is suddenly graced by an image of masturbation with sandpaper and immediately wishes he wasn't

<core> gnome stays up for 37.5 seconds on my box
<Greyfox> core: One of the 32,767 dependencies is probably old.
<core> greyfox: ahh. yeah. now i just have to probe them one after another and figure out which one
<Greyfox> core: I usually just recompile the whole damn thing, starting with glib.
<core> probably it's libimlib-2.231.067.alpha.joltcolafix.kdesucks.17-patchlevel-m

* core writes a mail program and calls it butt.

<st2> Nobody got fired for choosing hp9k, but a lot of people got woody's.

<asako> Reality: The blood curses on panasync are a regular monthly ritual; we do them right after our weekly worship at the Temple of Linus and His Prophet Alan.

<xL> this upgrade was considerably less troublesome than my 1.2->2.0 upgrade
<xL> having 34Mbit to slurp the necessary updates may be of help there tho ;)
<Coma> had to make that many updates?
<xL> nah, only 6 things in total
<Coma> and you need a freaking 34mb link for that?
<Coma> you can even get that by smokesignal relay
<xL> Coma: no you are deluded, I *NEED* 34mbit for that

<aiel> so cadets and nurses... you get the idea
<Scope> Ahhh...so Dad was in port looking for a little action :)
<aiel> He was in school, studying to become a marine engineer *twack*
<Scope> well okay...are you sure he wasnt a pirate? *dick*
<Scope> s/dick/duck/
<Scope> I hate when that happens
<Scope> ya get your dick and your duck mixed up, just leads to nothing but problems ;)
<aiel> Scope - yeah, fick the guy that put the 'i' and 'u' next each other ;)

<Epesh> I took french for a year in high school.. and all I learned was "Fuck you and zee horse you rode in on... and if my name's emmanuel marty, fuck zee horse's girlfriend too."
* sjh wonders if core will like this entry
<Kazz> I think he'd probably be amused...
> kazz, he would be
> s/would/will/
> unless core just died the term is will
<Kazz> sjh: Sadly, core has passed on...
<Epesh> kazz: no doubt by a disease transmitted by horse.
<Kazz> sjh: You see, there was this horse...and he came home and caught his girlfriend with a man, and well......

<Epesh> ixl: what the heck are you talking about?
<ixL> Epesh: Microsoft(R) Windows(TM) 2000(TM) with Office(TM) 2000(R) and Internet(R) Explorer(TM) for Active(TM) Desktops(R)

* druiid looks for his doze 95 disks..
* asako fwops druiid
* druiid fwaps asako..
* asako clubs druiid around the head with a shrinkwrapped copy of Windows 3.0
<asako> (makes a mighty good LART that)
* druiid clubs asako with the win 2000 source code..
* asako watches it crumble out of druiid's hands, to a M$ chorus of "It's a feature!"
* docfu drops NT's source printed in size 666 bold onto druiid and fluffy and takes out half the planet...
<druiid> docfu: yup.. that's about right..

* Zymurgy slaps a skirt on st2 and hands him around as the channel bitch...
<Xscope> st2 is the bitch tonight? Woohoo!
<pCp> st2: get your bitch ass in the kitchen and make me some pie!
<st2> 4*(1-1/3+1/5+1/7
<st2> oops..that's -1/7
* Xscope ^5s pCp
<st2> +1/9
<st2> -1/11
<st2> +1/13
<st2> -1/15
<st2> Let's see..that's 3.0170718176
<st2> Not quite Pi yet.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by epesh */
* Epesh decides to pretend to be friendly
> hi!
<Thheo> Hello there :)
* Thheo snuggles Epesh.
> snuggle ME?!
> bitch. Ho.
> Baaaastaad.
> Damn, I didn't even last in friendly mode for five minutes.
* Thheo cuddles Epesh.
* Epesh twacks thheo
* Thheo caresses Epesh.
* Thheo grins evily.
* Epesh caresses his /zap alias

<Epesh> grnd: okay. "Be who you are and no-one else. Treat people as you'd like to be treated. BUGS: People suck."

<Zymurgy> Hmm, jolt cola and chill pills... thats kinda like mixing matter and anti-matter, isn't it?

<Xaositect> root = super-user = GOD
<SmallPox> Xaositect: root = local super-user != GOD
<RelDrgn> SmallPox: what? you mean you havent r00ted the universe yet?

<st2> Damn it! I can't sleep!
<GPC> illuzion: what state do you live in
* st2 live in the state of insomnia.

* wlfshmn ponders how shocking would look with a beard...
* wlfshmn loads shocking2.jpg into the gimp.

* wlfshmn is still amazed that gillette spent close to 200 Million USD in developing Mach III, whose major change is the addition of another razor blade...
<aiel> wlf - yes, and what are they gonna come up with next? 4 blades? 5 blades? talk about bloatware :)
<Ham> aiel: 16 blades! Do the whole side of your face in one swipe
* cmos just applies aftershave then lights it

<Razathorn> being a dick is sooo much fun
<shocking> ya it is esp if youre a girl

/* editor's note: this was contributed by gearhead */
<DW_> Then there is the damn pullups.
<gearhead> dont even bother with them, my son thought they were regular diapers
<DW_> Got to, day care insist you have them.
<gearhead> day care can kiss my big fat pimply ass
* DW_ takes a screenshot
<gearhead> of my ass?
* gearhead copies that for the buttload
<DW_> Just playing with some kde stuff.
<gearhead> oh, well just incase you were thinking it, dont take screenshots of my ass :)

/* editor's note: this was contributed by ham */
<Aaron_C> hey what is oob??
> Aaron: it's like a 'boob', but without the b
> Aaron: for example, if she has a d cup, i call it a 'doob', but if she's flat chested.. it's an 'oob'

* sjh wonders about the tent phenomenon of zym responding....
* shocking looks at zymmy.....
<shocking> hard

#I# traveling (travel@omejoop.webcity.nl) joined channel #linux
<xL> I think I should mgline *.webcity.nl in order to save the company :)
<traveling> xl: what about a webcity IRC server?
<xL> traveling: Heh, try to explain coen why we should have 512Kbit of bandwidth wasted to IRC :)
<aiel> xL - we can use it to trade pr0n ;)
<xL> aiel: "leveraging IRC into the Enterprise Interaction Model (EIM) to increase future profits of potential customers"
* aiel eyes traveling for real and wonders where he got the 20"er from ;)
<xL> aiel: he's got CRT envy :)
<traveling> aiel: whats that green thing on your desk
<xL> Hmm.. /me ponders convincing Marco to go work with aware :)
<aiel> xL - don't do this to the poor aware people!
* BLMet logs and mails marco@webcity.nl :-]
* xL sends an RFD delink antwerpen.be.*
* xL accompanies the delink request with documented attempts of a certain BLMet to send me goat pr0n
<traveling> sorry 4 asking but what is a pr0n?
* traveling is new on irc
* BLMet sends the picture as proof that it was pr0n featuring xL and a goat :)
* xL yanks travelings 10base cable
<traveling> xl: u just w8 u!!
* aiel eyes traveling's l33t sp34k
> ooohh leet speak, absolute proof that working for webcity does some strange shit to people.. hey just look at aiel and xL
<xL> sjh: actually I was a lot weirder before I started:P
<aiel> sjh - nah, you have to be strange to even get a job here ;)
* aiel ponders doing work
<xL> at 5:22?
<xL> are you nuts?
<xL> yeah let ejal do the work
<aiel> xL - I can't stand having Ejal looking into my back and talking to me on IRC ;)
> aiel: hmm bit late in the day to consider starting work for the day, just leave it till tomorrow and catch up all the work you didnt do today... or better yet forget about it all till monday and go play golf tomorrow
<traveling> xL: try to move? there is still some room in Almere :-)
<aiel> sjh - good idea :) #I# Signoff: traveling (Killed (xL (you shouldn't have said that :P)))
* BLMet mails undernet-admins to suspends xL's O :p
* aiel watches xL and traveling fight :> #I# traveling (travel@omejoop.webcity.nl) joined channel #linux
* xL gets more proof on the goat-pr0n case
<jdh2> goat pr0n? where?

############ buttload4 release 2 ends, release 3 begins ##############

<shocking> except in wyoming and montana where men are men and sheep run scared
* uz discretely removes his velcro gloves
<shocking> hey they dont have sheep in oregon
<uz> nah...this here's cow country =)
<Kazz> uz: That's just because cows are easier to catch... ;)
* Kazz watches uz push a cow over and pull out his Bag o'Toys..

<Tasuki> <- feels like p00
* sjh sends reso to the sewerage treatment plant

<Tasuki> I have to do yardwork all damn day *sigh*
> hmm yard work.. port linux to the back yard :)
> then just schedule cron jobs like mowing in cron.weekly

* safemode constructs the universal device driver for linux glibc2.1 x86 and linux takes over the world soon after.. world peace is realized and the real space age begins as tux1 enters deep space in search of intelligent life and distributing linux cds throught space
<Cheezlbub> quit the pathetic posturing already.
* Cheezlbub makes windows 95 stable.
* Cheezlbub does the happy "beat that" dance ;)

* xL has no books.. just lots of manpages and a rich vocabulary of cussing words

<Josh__> I installed Slackware once...it was like trying to install MacOS on a PC.

* asako sedately flays wart.
* wart melancholically sodomizes asako.
* asako pleasantly emasculates wart.
* wart placidly disembowels asako.
*** Dan_ (dkulinsk@hunter.dimensional.com) has joined channel #linux
* asako merrily eviscerates wart
* asako waves a handful of wart's intestines at naD
<Dan_> asako, why are you playing with warts inards?
* wart sanguinely removes asako's left eye.
<wart> (with a spoon)
* asako ineptly slits wart from crotch to throat.
<asako> (with a rusty knife)
<asako> wart: you haven't been _on_ here for a while. :)
<wart> I've missed the sodomizing and cake, asako.
<asako> wart: What makes you think you get cake? :)

* Roscine gets medieval on DW
<DW> Careful rosc, Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me

<Kazz> xL: He just has a thing for using pipes to grep the output of a cat...

<asako> Llynix: No, 100% of learning Linux is being such a fucking egotist that you're damned if you're going to come crawling to an IRC channel full of assholes to get your questions answered.

* Gnuspice wonders how much sex drives cost, and if they're faster than scsi

/* editor's note: the next 4 entries were contributed by akopps */

<Greyfox_> Sendmail configuration is Satanic.

> People think if they won't install RH 6.0 the FIRST day it appeared on ftp.redhat.com.. they'll instantly die
<fpl> zakopps: I *WILL* instantly die, my life support machine runs 5.2 and its failing!

*** paper is now known as paper2
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*** TheFiend is now known as paper8
*** akopps is now known as paper14
*** xL is now known as paper42
*** paper4 is now known as paper
*** paper8 is now known as scissors
<scissors> "Hand over fist, paper surrounds the stone. Scissors cuts the paper, cuts the paper to the bone..." --Rush
* Coma gets out a lighter and looks at the pile of paper

<Firebird> I prefer dal or eff servers :)
> I prefer to not bother acknowledging the existance of a shithole like dalnet

/* editor's note: this was contributed by akopps */
* akopps DoSes illuzion's toaster
<illuzion> you leave my toaster alone dammit
*** akopps has been kicked off channel #ext2 by asako (Yah, you leave his toaster alone, you two dollar crack ho!)
* Morpheaus unplugs illuzion's toaster
<Morpheaus> no toast for you!
<illuzion> hah, its solar powered!
* Morpheaus teleports illuzion and his toaster to the arctic
<illuzion> tux can have a toaster

*** Gorky has been kicked off channel #linux by Ham (INSERT INTO brain VALUES ("clue");)

<Kazz> gummi: This is a line from mine...I think it works... :) /dev/fd0 /mnt/floppy vfat noauto,uni_xlate,posix,gid=1000,umask=002 0 2
<tummy> kazz: eek! i'm pretty sure mine's not that complicated. does your floppy make popcorn as well?

/* editor's note: it was not on irc but rocks anyway (someone's .signature) */ "Bastard Operators from Hell" anagrams to "Shatterproof Armored Balls"

/* editor's note: see above note */ Bob's Constant: the number of beers required for Bob to think that ANY woman is beautiful."

/* editor's note: this was contributed by akopps */
<Epesh> zeb: when you realise that wagging thy penis is not the point of programming, you'll like Java more.
<ixL> epesh: it's not about wagging your penis.. If you program in java it's like wegging your penis with 10 tons of concrete strung to it.
<ixL> not to forget that the penis has to be described along 30 levels of inheritance..

<DamneD> ok, can someone help me with a script ? i want to execute it
<slimer> damned: murder is prohibited by law
<Kazz> slimer: IT IS!? Oh damn...
* Kazz puts down his knife...

<Nazeeh> sih: what's a linux box?
> ummmmm a penguin wrapped in cardboard maybe?

<xL> one of the best remarks I ever read about Microsoft's SMB:
<xL> The best way to get SMB to speed up is to throw it out the window. It
<xL> will accelerate at 32ft per second/ per second!

<cherem> don't really enjoy sunos, it's like going to sleep fully clothed with your wife and waking up naked in a YMCA

* docfu grabs his hebrew for fu's book
<docfu> lets see, i wanna ask....
<docfu> HACKSPITTERPFFT PFFT SPIT PFFTERNAK PPFFT PPFFT PPFFT SPITHACKKKERSPIT slackware?

* Zymurgy wonders why epesh has such a strong bot obsession... :)
<docfu> epesh was molested by a bot as a child

<Grapes> but i thought red hat had a gui
<cherem> grapes: nope, RH is console all the way
<cherem> all those screenshots are made up
<Grapes> what about gnome?
<Coma> a gnome is just a little creature
<cherem> there're bunches of 'em. In my yard. Pests.
<cherem> I go after 'em with a .22
* cherem aims, fires. Ping!
<Coma> cherem: i believe there's some spray for that, these day. anti-gnome(tm) 2000(tm)
> hundreds of little bearded figures running all over the yard trying to escape from epesh laughing maniacally and shooting them at random
<Grapes> tons of maturity here i see #I# Grapes left channel #linux

* Einstein_ is glad the space program doesn't treat collisions like an ethernet does

<golgi> I wonder if the Betty Ford clinic does IRC treatment?

<Cheezlbub> Now entering level two: Explain berkeley sockets.
<cherem> what is electricity on the campus?

<steel> FreeBSD: Real men use fdisk ;)
<jdh2> real men don't have win* on their computers
> real men use cat > /dev/hd#

> damn out of real coffee
<core> sjh: recycle your own urine
<core> sjh: if it's like mine, it should contain 90% of caffeine
<Lion-O> core: don't ever invite me over for coffee ;))

<Coma> lion: happen to have a sample of the swedish chef?
<Coma> i want my box to go *bork* *Bork* every hour
* wlfshmn note bork is not a swedish word anyway...

* sjh covets an ultrasparc
<Tamahome> SPARC == w00d.
> yeah so ultra sparc == ultra woodie ?

* Kazz saw a monkey riding a dog herding cows...and is wondering if they might be good at herding cow-orkers too...?

<core> fuck, this coffee is awful
<core> i guess you can't reheat it for 4 days
<Coma> core: have some of mine ;)
> core, it obviously isnt quite as strong as it should be, real coffee stays hot due to the reactions going on inside at all times
<wlfshmn> core: good coffee is determined by it not letting go of the spoon after you stir.
<core> wlfshmn: yeah, that's called yoghurt, it's what i do
> wlf, real coffee is determeind by the sort of heavy machinery you have to get in to be able to stir it in the first place
<Coma> core: heating coffee is just ..... well, sick
<core> coma: i'm out of filters :P
<wlfshmn> sjh: hm.. perhaps.. it's also a valid sign when the spoon disapear completely, and can't be found even after you have emptied the cup...
<core> coma: me too unless i'm out of filters and want to keep my socks
* Ham notes Coma likes his coffee the same way he likes his women. Hot, black, strong and sweet.
* wlfshmn grabs a pot of coffee, and wrings them moisture out of it.
* Coma grabs a piece of his coffee and throws it at ham
<core> ham: don't joke, his last girl was a 6'5" wrestler called Jodee
* wlfshmn watches Coma punch a holein the wall.
* core watches the wall melt
<core> that's reminiscent of the movie Alien.
<wlfshmn> core: I havn't seen a hardcore coder bleed though...
* wlfshmn makes a cut in core.
* core changes the density of matter and walks through wlfshmn and behind him, then turns around and throws coma's coffee at him

<Coma> wlfs: always be awere of root exploits on your beer
* Kazz r00tz C0m4's b33r
<Kazz> c0m4: 3y3 0wN j00 !!!!!

<st2> Well, I think I'll go bind the lawnmower infront of the car so I can drive down the street, mowing down people....bye

############ buttload4 release 3 ends, release 4 begins ##############

<GrndZero-> I pick up chicks at bars
* Ham picks up chicks at the local poultry farm.

<core> i drink real coffee with a real coffee machine.
* Ham just eats the instant powder.
<core> i suppose you can just inhale the coffee powder for the same effect
<Ham> core: smoke it ;)

<Coma> i'm trying to order a 19" case and they want a copy of my passport
<Coma> those guys are nuts
<Coma> oh well....
* Coma fires up gimp to create a passport

<Ham> fibre channel is faster... 160M/sec.. buahahaa
* dogbert2 clogs up Ham's fiber channel...
* Ham goes after the fibre with a can of compressed air
* dogbert2 changes ham's can of compressed air for "Fart in a Can"...

<Xor> can i strip my glibc ?
<Ham> Xor: only if it lets you
<shocking> get it drunk first

<PaveLow> who the hell moved the I key
* Kazz remaps PaveLow's keyboard again...
<PaveLow> shocking - most keyboards are QWERTY mines QWRTY

<fretless> I can tell the weather with my nutsack
<PaveLow> fretless - really?
<PaveLow> fretless - is it calibrated?

* core replaces all lawyers by tall, generously chested brunettes
> if they are all female it is just your way of making sure the lawyers cant butt fuck you without dildos?

<xL> core: how exactly do you visualize your butt leaving the rest of your body while you are laughing? :)
<core> xL: it's an independent component
<core> xL: it has no input, only outputs though.
<xL> core: yes, but how is this component attached to the kernel?
<xL> core: Of course you hate it when that returns an EINTR, don't you?
* asako idly wonders who *did* code core's ass.
<core> xL: yeah, resuming the operation isn't evident
<xL> or worse
<xL> EWOULDBLOCK :)
<core> xL: what would be reagan's error, -EPIPE ?
<core> (artificial anus he has, for people who don't follow news)
<core> i would be scared if i got -EBUSY

<asako> GrndZero: Soon, young jedi, you will progress to the third stage: Complete and total sustenance from alcohol.
<core> and in the next stage, you will become a programmer.

<Fare> core: <subliminal>Commit! GPL! Commit! GPL! Commit! GPL!</subliminal>
<Kazz> core: <subliminal>Add content to those pages finally!</subliminal> PS GPL!
<Kazz> Oh damn...missed the subliminal part on the end! ;)
<core> a ha! i saw that!

<xL> core: XGGI -fp doesn't help by the way
<core> xL: ah, that's just a fake option we put to defeat newbies ;)

* mfrisch types at 100 MPM (mistakes per minute)

<Mennonite> sjh: I've learned to power nap.

>>-sjh- [#Linux] I never bothered working out how it was done because I think it is lame and just a way of saying I am fearful people will find out how small my penis is -cherem- [#linux] sjh, the pics we have of you prove how small your penis is, no need to worry that nobody knows it's only 1cm or so
>>-sjh- [#Linux] whew for a minute there I thought people might be in doubt thinking it were 10" and really thick. it would be a pain if women constantly flocked to my place wanting sex, I would have to leave the computer.....

* Einstein_ expects microsoft to one day release Active Direct Visual Empty Box 99

* asako has seen several instances of pr0n that looked better in grayscale. But we're TMIing now.
<cmos_> goats look the same in black and white, so i hear.
<docfu> cmos sheep dammit sheep! they are black and white! (you don't have to fuck one to know that...)

/* editor's note: this was contibuted by aiel */
<Here4U> i just wondered, i'm installing SlackWare 4.0 and it says i can logon as `root` but it won't let me logon
<Here4U> any suggestions ?
<Mennonite> here4u: you can't login with slackware
<Mennonite> here4u: first you have to compile /bin/login

/* editor's note: this was contibuted by ham */
<Ham> gill bates?
<OldMonk> Ham: that's Mister Bates to you. And his son, Master Bates ;)

* Cheezlbub decides to just become the FAQ bot.

<zComa> my face looks like the niagra falls atm
* Ham goes over Coma's face in a barrel

* sjh ponders pointing to yogun's 1cm penis just so people starting to feel insecure about everything else dont feel too bad, and than I realise that this would make them feel worse, lamers dream of something that long
<yogun> sjh: you've an extra "c" in that penis measurement

<Moshing> DW: I had a moron in Seattle I showed Linux to, and the twit kept calling at 3 AM...
<DW_> I can beat that Mosh. Call me in the middle of sex because he moved his hard drive and the damn thing wont' boot.

<core> epesh should have trademarked the ++
<core> he'd be rich by now; chicks would be at his feet hoping to get a piece of his fortune; he would be on the front page of Time "the man who created ++" .. he'd have a private jet, go to tahiti for lunch, and to tokyo for supper..
<yogun> core: they... um... already do.
* core kicks some chicks off his feet
* sjh ponders buttloading the chicks getting kicked off core's feet
<core> sjh: they put some sticky material on them, it's hard to get them off the feet.
<core> sjh: i think they share some genes with snails.
<yogun> core: maybe that's why they're sticky
<core> yogun: i think so; they share a lot with snails if you think about it.
<core> i guess that's why they have legs tho, not to leave a trail.

<Coronach> Whohoo, we get our T3 tomorrow
* st2 dcc Coronach quake

<st2> Well, I think I'll put a few music CDs into the blender and turn it on so I get a some music mixes...bye

* lionheart figures Toshogu is trying to meet some girls online..well don't bother all the online 'girls' are 42 year old men in michigan
<lionheart> it was awesome when the 60year old dude and 49 year old guy met each other at a burger king for sex under the guise of being a 13 year old boy and 12 year old girl

* exel is the biggest editor infidel available.. He likes nedit, joe and code crusader ;)
<Cheezlbub> exel: you are awarethat you're going to hell, right? <G>

<drflynn> alternativly, what webserver typically does VMS use?
<core> drflynn: none, it just pages you at 4 AM when someone requests a page, and you have to send tcp/ip packets that you forged yourself, to the client. that's how VMS handles pretty much everything.

<zen> anyone fimilar with editing the sendmail.mc file ?
<xL> zen: get the really phat O'Reilly book. Read it twice. Then forget it again. Read it once more. Then become enlightened and hire the US Postal Service to do your email for you.

* xL wonders why JX apps eat so much X11 bandwidth.. Seems like they're using the Win32 style of event-modeling "Oooh, the mouse moved --> EVENT / Ooh, the mouse didn't move --> EVENT / Ooh, there's no mouse --> LOTSOF EVENTS"

<yogun> "Big Bird, what huge genitalia you have!" "That's why they call me BIG BIRD."
<gargan> or him say something like 'learn to count your own damn self, im takin a smoke'
<yogun> roo: bah. If it was Elmo... "Put down the guns, kids! You might hurt elmo!" *bang bang bang* "YAY! The little fucker's dead!"

<core> sjh: an indigo2 any day
<core> sjh: iirc alan got it to boog
<core> and also to boot. but to boog first.

<yogun> I bet God is up there saysing "what the fuck are these idiots doing with all this religious crap?"

<Coma> hmmm. day after day .ph starts to look more like .my
<core> coma: that's because we banned .my and all malaysians migrated to the closest country that could still /join here.

<aiel> oh man, I need a new alarm clock :/
<cmos> aiel: late to work?
<aiel> 10:30 when I dropped in :/
<cmos> aiel: you shouldn't overclock your alarm clock anymore, use a
*toaster* to cook your breakfast, not the 555ic in the alarm clock ;)

* st2 is about to bonk his machine...hold onto your hats.

<cmos> *** CTCP VERSION reply from cmos: Pirch32 0.91a
<st2> *** CTCP VERSION reply from cmos: ircII EPIC4pre1.033 Linux 2.0.32 - All the
<st2> cmos: Ha! Caught ya, red-handed!
<cmos> OKOK
* cmos confesses to using Linux, it's a nasty habit, i'll give it up ;)
* sjh confesses to beating the shit out of cmos... it is a nasty habit... I wont give it up

* Skyelar injects another shot of high grade kernel into his arm

/* editors's note: has anyone else noticed how sick this shit is? */
* cmos HaXorz core's bauxen to get the aircd spec
<Moshing> cmos: You .NZers always have er33t tekn33qz. :)
<Tamahome> Moshing: j00 4r3 n4wt 3l33t.
<cmos> Moshing: NeW nEaLaNd 0wnz j00
<Moshing> Tama: b0w d0wn, fewl!
* st2 laff @ j00 4ll
<Tamahome> n0, j00 must b0w t0 m3

<niceguy00> is this linux channel
<asako> niceguy00: No. It's the secret clique meeting place of a kabbalistic order of blue carpet merchants. We call it #linux because we enjoy confusing peons like you.
* Tamahome sells asako red carpet
<Ham> nice: We're a bunch of dyslexic people who use a drug named 'Luxin'
* sjh laminates ham's ass
<Ham> oooh, shiny
<Cheezlbub> ham: that's a smooth ass you've got therel.
<Ham> Cheez: and repels water and dirt. easy ass management.
<Cheezlbub> ham: it's the debian of asses!
<Cheezlbub> Ham GNU/Ass
* Ham installs toiletpaper_0.1-1.deb
<Cheezlbub> Warning toiletpaper requires Roll_Thingy_GLIBC2.1_10.20_all.deb, but Roll_Thingy_GLIBC2.1_10.20_all.deb is not installed. Toiletpaper not configured.
* xL usually uses his cat for that. Who needs paper.
<Cheezlbub> cat's are reuseable, and self cleaning!
<xL> Cheezl: exactly.. It's win/win
<xL> Cheezl: cats like to dig in filth.. I like my ass clean.. It's symbiosis/
<Cheezlbub> xl: just have it declawed! *shudder*
<xL> Cheezl: and miss on the danger and excitement?

<Niels> People, this isn't #irc_help, if you have trouble with irc go elsewhere. if you have misconfigured your Linux box, configure it properly. if you don't have libc[56]-dev packages installed, don't whine but get them and fix your includes. If you don't have 'make' install the 'd' disk set. Et cetera.
<cmos> but i _want_ to run ircd ;)

* jql wonders if nslookup has a "gimmie-an-authoratative-DNS-server-or-else-i-will-get-medieval-on-your-ass" command

<mfrisch> Geez, what a little book learning wouldn't help...
<Zymergy> mfrisch: Book learning? Hmm, that sounds suspiciously like RTFM to me... :-)

* st2 sez h1l0
* asako s3tS h1s m00k0w on st2
* st2 pulls out the l33t axe 2 use 0n da l33t k0w

############ buttload4 release 4 ends, release 5 begins ##############

#I# Cheezlbub changed nickname to Ch33z|bub #I# Ch33z|bub changed nickname to Cheezlbub
<Cheezlbub> That was painful. I felt my IQ dropping.

#I# Tomay (adams@batko.pch.usoms.poznan.pl) joined channel #linux
* sjh wonders if poland is infact just a perl script
> like after the germans left they decided they were sick of the old system
> and just implemented the country in perl
<xL> sjh: hmm. One could argue that Poland is a chaotic country, run by people with no clear definition of who they are or what their purpose is.. This is a real good analogy with the innards of a perl program.. So I guess you are right:)

<exel> core: how does the compiler generate the links to the external functions, though? elf symbols?
<core> exel: and there are standard datatypes defined of course.
<Shadur> Nah. Dwarf runes.
<exel> shadur: trust me, you couldn't tell dwarf runes from ELF to save your life ;)

* Einstein discards the Extra Large LART and picks up the BFLART

<Dairenn> mfrisch: I wouldn't want to. The power behind the OS is in what it does, not what it looks like.
<Dairenn> It's like an ugly woman who can give great head.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by strix */
<Tamahome> can someoneone do me a favour... come and shoot me dead
<Tamahome> then I don't have to work tomorrow
* safemode walks over to Tamohome....aims.. . and fi!!!! BSOD.. Crash
<safemode> fuckin Win-Gun

/* editor's note: this was contributed by ham */
<aleph> saw a review of the 13th warrior... panned it. "We don't know what's going on!" I wanted to write them. "That's because you A) don't know Beowulf, and B) don't have a clue; C) failed to realise this was a Chrichton project."
> aleph: what does Beowulf have to do with it?
<aleph> ham: the 13th warrior is an adaptation of Beowulf.
> aleph: Oh, thought you were talking about Beowulf as in Linux box clustering.
<aleph> ham: I think not. A movie about that would be dull.
> "Two hours staring at many computers cracking RC5! Linchick and Ereet hacker dude fall in love .. romance! Network connection fails.. suspense! Featuring Microsoft NT Clustering .. horror! See it now, in theatres everywhere."

* pmitros wonders if he should feel guilty about installing Debian on a notebook a friend left him for 8 hours...

<k_reaper> WHAT DOES "RPM" means?
<greenfly> k_reaper: Read the Phreakin Manual

<sjh> irc is not real....
<Epesh> sjh: you mean... my @ isn't real?
<Epesh> I tried zapping someone on the street the other day, I wondered why they weren't banned

<Cheezlbub> Sin Microsystems. We put the dot in "Sign on the dotted line"

<Greyfox> Hurricanes blow.
<Greyfox> Looks like that fucker is going to hit Raleigh. I'm glad i'm outta there.
<Greyfox> I'm kind of disappointed actually. I was hoping Miami would get flattened more.
<Greyfox> Maybe the one behind it will get it.
<Greyfox> tas: God obviously didn't intend for humanity to live in Florida. Why do you persist?
<Epesh> greyfox: god didn't intend for stupid people to live in FL. I've had no problems with 'canes
<Greyfox> Epesh: God didn't intend for stupid people to live, but we persist in protecting them.
<Greyfox> Epesh: It should be legal to give the universe an assist in the case of stupid people.
<Greyfox> "Well, officer, I saw him going into the lion cage, so I shot him" "Oh, carry on then."

<Paul-K> Would everyone please calm down. Or, conversely, get really ticked and in the confusion, send your money to the following address:
<Paul-K> Save the Kroll, Box 666, Chicago, IL.
* Greyfox wants to put up a "Save the Endangered Malaria Mosquito" web page.
<Paul-K> KROLL, KROLL....
* wlfshmn tries to save kroll, but his disk is full...

<cgw> FireSnake: [incr tcl], which is to tcl as C++ is to C. Or "ADD ONE TO COBOL" is to COBOL....

* Strider- votes that the past tend of ping is "100% Packet Loss"

* strix wonders what the ipt bit of ipt.aol.com means
<pope1> "imbecile passing through"
<asako> strix: I Piss people off Totally?
<Greyfox> InePT.

<kleptog> From a motherboard manual, error beep codes:
<kleptog> S-L-L-L-SS: Speaker Error

<xL> PIII/500 should be able to compile my ass authoritatively in 10 seconds damnit :)

<Ham> It's not the size of your editor that matters, it's how you use it.

<MOET> easy like PC? I can nail jelly to a ceiling with more ease than most people can use a PC

<Dorian> Quiet in here...
<Dorian> Or am I lagging?
<Greyfox> Dorian: Nope, it really is quiet in here.
<Dorian> Usually this quiet, Greyfox?
<asako> It fluctuates.
<Greyfox> Nope. You just caught it at a bad time.
<Greyfox> Most of the people are downloading pr0n or something.
<asako> Greyfox - Sssh! Dammit! You weren't supposed to say that!

<Epesh> where can I download the internet?
<Epesh> I want to try it out.
* Epesh disables the check for robots.txt
* Epesh disables /dev/brain
* Epesh runs wget -r

/* editor's note: this was contibuted by krynux, not irc, but amusing */ A woman converted into a linux program $ ./configure checking for nice face: yes. checking for fat: no. checking for perky tits: yes. checking for nice ass: yes. checking for nicotine: no. checking for clothes: no. Done. $ make ... $ ./sexygirlfriend sexygirlfriend: SIGBITCH

* safemode stares into his soul ... and finds the power to encode more mp3s

/* editor's note: the debian project name their releases after characters from the movie "Toy Story" */
<gargan> and i hear next version after potato will be called woody
<gargan> they're gonna reach the bottom of the barrel eventually and HAVE to name one woody
<gargan> 'debian gives me such a buzz' 'wow, my woody has been up for over a month!'

<jql> I'm breaking the GPL right now. Does anyone care?
* jql waits for the NSA to sic RMS on him

* Epesh notes that jql's parent's were evil to name him "john q. linux"
<jql> Ahh, but the forethought!

<Epesh> it's like bash, you mentally challenged idiots. * Epesh & # off means that Epesh is backgrounded, and then a comment
<jql> Hello all! # gratuitous introduction
<jql> how's it going? # like I care
<asako> You're all fuckwits. # Stating the obvious.

/* editor's note: the next 5 entries were contributed by akopps */
<Coma> carnage: but shhhh, this is still topsecret. it's the only thingleft of the starwars program
<Carnage> Coma: Not quite. You should see what's buried under my backyard.
<Coma> carn: alien body leftovers from area 51?
<Carnage> Coma: Hell no! Those are encased in glass in the living room. I use 'em for coffee tables.

<GrndZero-> <Jesus`> i died for your beer

<Calculus> rb: Real hackers don't eat anything that can't be found in the vending machine.

* RelDrgn notes the coolest conversations happen at 1 AM
<Libolt> RelDrgn: It's 11:14 here
<RelDrgn> Libolt: i can mathematically prove that neither you nor your timezone exist

* wlfshmn ponders getting some sleep
* wlfshmn discards the idea
* Libolt watches wlfshmn turn into a zombie process

<cmos> boobies are our little present
* bOoBiEs magicly apear infront of you
<AbyssGore> and on teh 2nd day.. god said.. let there be boobies
<AbyssGore> they appeared.. and he noted, it was good.
<Coronach> and he noted, neat.
<sjh> and god got wood

* McLanfear is talking on phone
* sjh isnt talking on the phone * this message was brought to you by useless inforrmation inc. we tell you things you couldnt give a fuck about

/* editor's note: this was contibuted by krynux */
<Nuke> cd /src/family;./configure -prefix=/home;make mother father children
<purplefox> insmod adopted_child.o

/* editor's note: this was contibuted by akopps */
* Tasuki blinks.
<st2> You missed it! You blinked.

* asako weebles.
* slimer wobbles
* keebler doesn't fall down
* Tamahome wibbles
<slimer> weebles wobble but they don't fall down? :)
* jql wubbles, for the hell of it
* asako *bles

<jql> Pico stands for Pico is not VI
<jql> How they got Pico, don't ask me

* st2 hath returnedth hometh from the grocery storeth
* sjh wonders if they sell armour care products for knights at the store
<st2> like armour polish, sword grinders at the local grocery store?
<st2> Well, you can take your sword, blade, or battle-axe into the store and ask where you can have it sharpened.
<st2> Why would people want shiny armour anyway?
<st2> It'll just attract more oponents and archers
> attract hot women maybe
<st2> I don't remember the last time I polished my armour
<st2> Actually, the last time I pulled out my shiny blade to show off to this hot chick, she ran away.
<st2> Other times, it is an advantage..
<st2> if you are swinging your sword while driving, people will give you the right of way.

<Teaparty1> someone dcc me a Screen Shot of Slackware
<Coma> sjh: maybe just the console
> so can I dcc you a black jpg and say it is a console on slack with black text?
<jdh_> <-- sending a snackware screenshot
<DeaLER> heres your screenshot
<DeaLER> root:darkstar#
<Instin> here's a screenshot:
<Instin> brainfuk:/#
<jdh_> SEND teaparty1 Active 09:43:57 Jan 13 1998 12288 0 /dev/zero
<wlfshmn> do they consider 80x24's screenshots?

<ashish> who can help me in sett'n up my internet connection
<Epesh> ashish: you're ON the internet now
<Epesh> looks like you don't need any help
<wlfshmn> ashish: if we get you up and online, our speed when streaming g0at pr0n form Strix will be lowered drastically. we can't help you there.

/* editor's note: I know these are wallops and not normal traffic, however I am looking for material near the end of this release and found this amusing, after all it is all irc, and xL I am sure will be happy for more coverage, and heck with this comment I just bought the release a few bytes closer also... (gratuitous dots to fill out more bytes) */
!xL*! Go bonk.c yourself, GoiNK :)
!GoiNK*! Naw. I'll hang around and wait till goink.c hits the streets ;)
!xL*! goink.c is already there.. it farts and belches, drinks all your beer and never shuts up :)
!EdgeGuy*! oh, is THAT why goink.c requires rude.h? i couldn't get it to compile :(
!xL*! rude.h is part of libwackyscandinavian.so.6 :)
!Tiwas*! . . .and it requires all header files using floating numbers to be erased. It doesn't handle more than 2 digits ;o) (that's the price of a beer;o)
!buff*! yeah, but floating numbers is all it sees after the beer :P
!Tiwas*! Nah. Not floating numbers. You need float.h which makes everything wave, shake and look floating.
!xL*! was that beer or magic mushrooms?:)
!GoiNK*! Bwahahaha. For a moment there, I almost typed vi named.beer instead of named.boot. Wouldn't be a pretty sight on our ns. =)
!Tiwas*! Any error affects it. . .It fails no matter what, as a matter of fact. . .
!Tiwas*! hehehe. . .Wonder when Goink's gonna "do something" about me ;o)
!xL*! just wait till the truckload of mooses get delivered on your doorstep, Tiwas..
!Darkfal*! ln -s /etc/named.boot /etc/named.beer works for me

/* editor's note: seen in a .sig */
* Linux Viruscan..... Windows 95 Found Remove it ? (Y/y) -composer unknown

############ buttload4 release 5 ends, release 6 begins ##############

<Tamahome> what the fuck are they trying to do, make a movie theatre out of my bedroom?
* Ham fills Tama's room with a popcorn machine, a vending machine, a projector, a screen, and 20 chairs.

> I had another exam this morning, and it was like we had to write three essays of about 750 words each in the three hours, and I am thinking, hang on a fucking minute, this is software engineering, what are we doing writing, like hell I went into computing because my hand writing is so fucking appaling it could be a new encyption standard more secure than 1024 bit PGP if they adopted it internationally
<Ham> Yeah, my handwriting is pure terror. Then there's always some chinese chick in class that must have been a laser printer in her past life or somesuch.
<Epesh> Ham: heh, yeah... my handwriting looks like it could have been done by a retarded chicken on LSD.

<xxL> kleptog: no matter how hard you try, it's hard to simulate a 40K-user network as wacky as an irc network.
<GrndZero> xxL: aquire 40,000 monkies...
<xxL> GZ: then I'll have to worry about selling all those manuscripts they put out on the typewriter

<Tamahome> 98% of all bX users _do_ bold
<illuzion> tama: that's only because 98% of all BX users are morons :)
<cybertom> 87% of all statistics are made up on the spot

!Leland*! any gramaticians online ?
!xL*! the americans have gone to bed, so you have a chance

* DW notes the cat is playing with his ethernet cable
<DW> fucking cat
<st2> DW is fucking the cat!!
<st2> Well, I think I'll go boogie my little oogie...bye
*** Signoff: st2 (boogie oogie)

!Kev*! !This*! !Just*! !Gets*! !Crazy*! !After*! !A*! !While*!

!Sengaia*! how many BONKs are there, out there?
!GoiNK*! lemme see.. bonk, bonk1, bonk2, bonk3 and bonk.c :P
!Sengaia*! {[proxy]:} <Master18> what's a BONK?
!xL*! that's biblical talk for The Three Wheels And The Steer :)
!Sengaia*! but, *why* are there so many BONKs?
!xL*! (proxy) *Perdut* what is the text that i see in my status window??
!xL*! GoiNK, did you steal his status window?

<DW> I find it enlessly funny that a os I paid $1.99 for is more stable than my friends NT Server that he paid $900 for.

<Coma> or use mirc in wine. could be fun too. all those nice coloury scripts 'n stuff
* st2 reports Coma to the proper authority on psychopaths.
* sjh pukes in coma's direction
* Coma runs off, try to avoid any contact with sjh's puke
* st2 winpuke all over Coma.
<Coma> aaarggh. burning chemicals. quick to dr watson, maybe he can save me..
<DrWatson> Coma: You are suffering from a "General Problem"
<DrWatson> Coma: That is all..
<aiel> who the fuck is General Problem?
<Coma> err, new division from general motors?
<st2> If you tell me wtf GeneralProtectionFault is, I'll tell you what a "General Problem" is.

<Braun> Anyone around know how to fix PAM
<Coma> braun: hit it with a hammer a couple of times
<aiel> braun- yes, lose Red Hat, get Debian
<Braun> Well I need it fix asap for now
<Braun> then I could look at doing that
<aiel> Braun - might as well fix the hole in the ozone layer today before noon while you're at it
* Skyelar would be happy to help, if he'd _ever_ see a working PAM setup :)o

<aiel> mike - get another philosphy lecturer this one is broken.

<cheezlbud> it's <twitch> just <twitch> like <twitch> a <twitch> body fluid (got tired of typing twitch)
* mike_ looks down at the empty bottle of coke by his side... neither... <twitch>...
<Tamahome> for god sakes mike, you're making it sound like sex.
* Coma joins in with his pint sized coffee mug
<mike_> tamahome: when was the last time you went without caffeine for a week?
* Skyelar twitches
<Tamahome> erm...I don't drink coffee all that often.
<cheezlbud> Caffiene is better than sex.... it's effects last longer, you can have as much of it as you want.. and you don't pass out of exaustion from doing it for a week <G>
<mike_> cheezl: he's not one of us... he does not drink enough, help him, help him achieve nirvana thru caffeine
<Tamahome> oh for crying out loud!
* mike_ wonders when a) 2.2.0 will be out, and b) gcc 2.8.0 will be out...
<Tamahome> mike: IIRC gcc 2.8.0 is out...I think core was compiling it last night.
<mike_> tama: some ppl will coffee do anything to coffee gain publicity coffee
<Tamahome> mike: the subliminal messages won't work you twit.
<Ultrix> All this talk of coffee is making me thirsty
<mike_> everyone but the intended victim... damn
<Tamahome> ooh...someone's not happy...
<cheezlbud> Tama: tney would be if they had coffee:)

<Dan_> aiel: you look like my uncle
<Dan_> except he has black hair
<Mr_Fab> aiel.. You are my uncle, scarey

<aiel> hehe... testing some collegues software sucks, but it's just the little better if you adopt the AielDestructiveTest(tm) approach
<aiel> Do whatever you can think of to break it (type in 200 character usernames and so on)
* sjh suggests 1030 char usernames and passwords
> just over 1024
<aiel> sjh - just over 1024 and 256 r00l.
<aiel> well, the result is, he has some work to do now, which gives me time to, well... do nothing actually :)

!Ztig*! Ph33r my sh33p
!Tiwas*! Ph33r your ch34p sh33p ?
!Ztig*! N0. My b33r sh33p. 4$k buff
!Tiwas*! ch34p b33r sux! che4p sh33p sux! sh33p b33r on da oth4 h4nd, rewls
!Ztig*! b0th k0wz 4nd sh33ps r3wls
!OmniDymnc*! ph34r d4 k0w?
!NudeDude*! careful now, you know the Texas beef assoc. is suing Oprah for not eating beef. (seems she used to be personally responsible for 20% of US consumption)
!Darkfal*! |-|0\/\/ 3|_33+ +|-|353 \/\/4|_|_0p5 4|~3
!GoiNK_*! She should like go to England or something. huh huh, huh huh, huh huh... M4d k0wz d|s34s3, y4 kn0w
!Tiwas*! only if y4 m4k3 b33r 0ut 0f 'em
!Tiwas*! ph34r d4 k0w. Drink d4 sh33p ?
!Tiwas*! 3l33t r3wls. Th3y drink d4 sh33p!
!Tiwas*! [18:59] <Kaneda> yer wallops suck

<Lion-O> Zymergy: so; how's life? :)
<Zymergy> Can't complain (nobody bloody well listens :-)

<Dante2> never seen a onyx in person, I bet there cool locking too.
<core> dante2: they are huge violet towers with CPU usage indicators.
<Dante2> core: that is a fridge.
<core> dante2: yeah but you can tell the difference from a fridge, by the SGI 3-D logo on it :)

<bjenkins> man bash sounds like somekinda feminist gathering...

!xL*! I'm not <A HREF="http://ftp.warez.org/">1337</A> like you :P

!GoiNK_*! ph33r my sh33p
!Sengaia*! why?
!GoiNK_*! Now, that's a sorta question that completely ruins my statements... ;)

<H2O_> that feels better
<Zymergy> Don't forget to flush...
<H2O_> Zymergy: my dad put a new stopper in the tank so now you have to hold down the handle. it really sucks
<mfrisch> H2O, toilets have to suck otherwise it makes a mess
<Zymergy> and if your on the shuttle thats the literal truth...
<st2> toilets are based on complex equations of relativistic curvature of spacetime based on Einsteins field equation, also known as gravity. It does not suck. It pulls.
<st2> Some people just don't appreciate spacetime curvature complexity that is hidden within toilets mechanisms..

<Coronach> i have a penis

<Epesh> shadur: I won't need 'em! <beats chest>
<Shadur> Ep: Watch out with that knif- Oh, damn. Someone call the docs. Ep just gutted himself again

<LustiLisa> What are the little bumps around a woman's nipples?
<LustiLisa> Braille for suck here

* st2 cannot believe how much trouble "ln -s /lib/libc.so.5 /usr/lib/libc.so" caused!
<hades> don't fuck with libc, it'll keel you ded!
<Bensinc> Once, libc came over to my house and stole my stereo, then killed my dog!
<hades> using glibc to get rid of libc5 is like nukeing yourself before the enemies nuke arrives

<BlueBox> shit i just used fdisk and now I have two kitchens
<Bensinc> Can you use fdisk to turn a coupe into a sedan?
<Bensinc> What about changing your car type from 82 - Talon to 83 - Ferrari?
<BlueBox> how do I know which kitchen to boot from>
<st2> type6 = econo japanese car.

<BlueBox> fig newtons?? are you gay?
<Bensinc> Fig newtons are good!
<Bensinc> Don't make me come over there!
* st2 pulls out the umbrella just in case Bensinc decides to "come over there!"

<Moshing> Epic works fine with DCC, unless I missed something and you mean with MASQ.
<Moshing> Aaah, see.
<Moshing> No clue on that. I won't sit here and pretend I know MASQ...
<Moshing> So I'll just fart instead and look mysterious. :)
* Moshing adopts an airy guru expression, and farts with great portent.

* Epesh & # working
* nun & # new false teeth

<kleptog> Argh, don't tell of undiscovered software here, now someone will
<kleptog> package it for debian.
<kleptog> "We are Debian of Borg; you will be packaged, resistance is futile."

<hades> there are different types of women?
<ShoCKinG> oh yeah many many types
* hades gives up
<ShoCKinG> well the 1st prob is that you shouldnt even try to figure them out it shows too much effort save it till you meet the right one then figure her out
<ShoCKinG> theyll be throwin it on ya and ...dont give in to easy...all women want to be treated like ladies no matter what they say trust me
<hades> any questions reguarding linux i can help ya with?
<hades> i'll give it a week :)
<ShoCKinG> takes longer to get the rep of hard to get ...they got to see that it doesnt really matter to ye
<ShoCKinG> then theyll be fightin to see who can make ya give it up
<ShoCKinG> its amazin trust me i worked in topless joints from the time i was 16 till i was 27 ive got the whole man woman thing down pat

<Mr_Fab> it is 3:15 am here.. my humor turns into a pumpkin at midnight so beware

* Mr_Fab hits the books
* st2 uses the book to spank Mr_Fab
<Mr_Fab> Ack! /dev/hda1 1151009 1073679 17860 98% /
<st2> high drive usage is a common sign of not hitting the books enough.
<Coma> fab: rm -rf /pr0n
<st2> Coma: That is like being castrated.

<aiel> s/\//./
<Coma> it should be \. . is just an atom
<st2> And : is a molecule?
<aiel> no, nuclear fusion ;)

############ buttload4 release 6 ends, release 7 begins ##############

<Greek2me> just as safe as dial up... there is no " safe" anything on the net.... encryption can be hacked... everything has a work around
<RudeLove> Greek2me: there's safe sex on the net. last I checked there were no cybersexually transmitted diseases...

<RudeLove> well OK..howtos CAN be useful
<RudeLove> but along with the theory that if you put 40,000 monkeys in front of typewriters, they'll eventually type out Shakespeare's complete works...
<RudeLove> If you drink enough coffee, eventually the random twitching of your hands will cause you to type the appropriate keystrokes to fix any computer problem

<RudeLove> I know what the buttload is...I'm reading the new issue now..
<RudeLove> just wondering if it was something I said that got into it..
<RudeLove> (it's rare that people actually consider me THAT funny)
> yes you got into it
> rudelove, if it is any consolation I didnt laugh, only other people did, so you may not be universally funny yet
<RudeLove> sjh: aah..alright...I was getting somewhat worried...if the world ever considers ME funny, I think the rivers run with blood and four guys on horses start parading around..
* sjh buttloads rudelove
<RudeLove> damn... 2 in one night?
<RudeLove> What is the world coming to?
<RudeLove> here I am trying to just be at least funny while my brain's doing the sleeping for me, and I'm inadverently bringing about armageddon..
<illuzion_> mm, must be beer o'clock
* illuzion_ gets beer
<RudeLove> beer? damnit am I the only person on the planet without beer?!
<illuzion_> the only one, yes
* RudeLove skulks around, feeling oppressed.
* RudeLove contemplates ruining everyone's beer drinking by being humorous and thus bringing about the end of the world.
* RudeLove launches a nationwide standup comedy tour, scheduling a final show at Milliways to view the end of the universe.

<DifanceR> i need help with my ppp settings plz
<RudeLove> DifanceR: if you really needed help with ppp, you wouldn't be dialed into the 'net, now would you? Tell the truth...you're a government spy, sent to assassinate me! Aren't you?!
<DifanceR> im in winblows
<RudeLove> DifanceR: oh..heh..so you are...sorry...uhm...you'll forget about that government spy bit, right? Just remember...you never saw me...

<illuzion_> winmodems are best plugged directly into mains power and used as toasters

<razor> what does : device eth0 entered promiscuous mode mean ?
<RudeLove> razor: it means you'd best get your network card some form of birth control, or there's going to be all sorts of wierd things happening in your computer.

<papgone> Mister: what's the IQ prerequisite for using debian in your opinion
<MisterHat> papgone: I dont believe in IQ...
<papgone> Mister: I feel the same way about santaclaus, the tooth fairy and america..

<ComLogik> Anyone know how to change my desktop theme in KDE ?
<Pixel_> ComLogik right click something

<thedeath2> i Have a question!!!
<Epesh> thedeath2: we don't care!!!!
<thedeath2> sjh: i don't understand!!!
> thedeath2: you!!! !!!ask!!! a stupid!!! !!! !!!question and I !!! gi!!!!!ve you a s!t!u!p!i!d answer
<thedeath2> Do you konw what i Am saying.........................;
<PolarWolf> Geez...he found another nicelooking key on his keyboard.

<NewToGnu> did any one have trouble installing redhat linux 6 here?
<Shadur> nope.
<NewToGnu> i did
<Shadur> That's mainly because I didn't install it, tho

<eeyore-> Mongoose: if (windows98 == (windows95.features+1 + windows95.bugs*1000 + windows95.stability*(0.001) + windows95.cost+TOOMUCH)) printf("hmm, this is improvement!\n");

<Tamahome> Pim has an anime picture in his PostOffice screenshots, kewl
<xL> Tama: it was the only binary newsgroup I could find that didn't feature pr0n
<xL> Tama: and pr0n newsgroups are counterproductive when you're debugging a newsreader
<Shadur> xl: That's called stress-testing
<xL> shadur: yes, but it gets you so easily distracted

* Epesh sells Tribbles.
* kyhwana eats the tribbles
* Ooogy microwaves tribbles
<Epesh> oooo, I'm making money now!
<kyhwana> Epesh: Yeah, or you could take a hamster and cut off it's legs
<Epesh> kyhwana: that's a fake tribble then

* akopps ponders if someone wrote riot policy for certain campus labs.. "In a case of fire or riots take an old decstation, run to telegraph avenue and lauch the decstation through a store window..."

* Epesh notes that wlf shoudl use his native tongue - dutch - as the global language.
<wlfshmn> Epesh: I can read dutch newspapers if they have lots of pictures.. I can't read mongolian ones (although, I have never tried)
> hmm I wonder if people will be able to tell someone having a coughing fit from hebrew....
<Epesh> I think I'm going to design a language based on one letter and a hell of a lot of inflection.
<wlfshmn> sjh: HACCKERSPITT!
<Epesh> sjh: of course not.
<Epesh> aaaaa AAA AAAAAA aa AaAa aa aa aaaaaa a aaaa
* Epesh makes his new one-letter language leet for effect
<Epesh> aa a@a@ aAaa aa aaaaa aaa a s
<Epesh> damn, mis-spelled something.
<xL> !a aAaaA #AaAaA A!11!11!

<Addi> Tkil: I still want switch in perl - I don't see why it cannot be included just to ease the transition for c programmers.
<Tkil> Addi -- but you'll break BILLIONS of perl scripts! and we'll have to CHANGE THE DOCUMENTATION. and we'll have to TEACH PEOPLE EVEN MORE COMPLEXITY, don't you know that perl is TOO COMPLEX already? there are still OUTSTANDING BUGS to fix!
<TopSpin> perl needs no switch
<veblen> perl needs a lever
<veblen> or a button
<dngor> perl needs a wheel
<Citizen_X> perl needs a big red button
<Citizen_X> that says "do not touch"
<mendel> a frob switch!

<RelDrgn> heh 4AM, i think ill make this project funny
* RelDrgn adds a #define PURPLE_WITH_PINK_POLKADOTS 42 in with the edge coloring defines

<st2> "It will be raining today with some wind...weather permitting."
<st2> Well, I think I'll go outside and play dodge-the-rain .... bye

<Bensinc> My goal is to write a text editor. :)
<st2> Bensinc: main(){ system("/bin/vi"); }
<st2> voila!

* st2 figures that downloading pr0ns all day/night long will bog down the connection so much that no hacker would want to break into the system.
<st2> therefore, downloading pr0ns is a good security measure.

* Coronach is away -- gone fencing -- messages will be saved.
* Zymergy wonders if Coronach means the pointy metal rod type or pointy wooden stake kind... :-)
<Coronach> Sabre and Foil
> the wooden stake kind of course
<Coronach> hack some basterd into small peices :)
> it is good hearty work

<hades> emacs isn't a shell! its a damn beach!

!Leland*! Hello. Sorry I can't answer your call at the moment, but if you leave your name and number I'll make prank phone calls.

<Epesh> what did I miss?
> epesh, natalie portan begging for your phone number
<Epesh> sjh: AND I MISSED HER?!?
> we didnt know it so she left empty handed
<Epesh> DAMN YOU ALL!
<Epesh> IT'S ON MY WEB PAGE!
* Epesh weeps, having missed perky breasts.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by lustilisa */
<wlfshmn> I hate everbody. It's my job when Epesh isn't around.

* strix wonders how you can decapitate something without using force
<st2> strix: stick your dick out of moving vehicle

*** Topic for #linux: [2.2.13/2.3.29] * FAQ: http://linuxfaq.quartz.net.nz * Mars Polar Lander touches down successfully, martians decide it's a windows machine and destroy it
<Synaptic> anyone else here believe that nasa is lying about the mars probe failing to send back a signal for the 2nd time, and that their covering up for alien artifacts?
<st2> Synaptic: They're lying because I got there first!
<st2> Synaptic: When NASA arrived, I yelled "BACK OFF! This is MY planet! I 0wnz D1Z!"
<TenBassT> Rumor at Nasa is that it suffered a BSOD during re-entry
<TenBassT> Engineers are frantically trying to reboot as we speak.
<ericsean> "Error: cannot connect to www.microsoft.com - please insert Windows NT Workstation CD"

/* editor's note: this was contributed by akopps */
<Greyfox> Hmm. That setup cost was pricey. But hey, who needs food when you've got 768K DSL?

* st2 is back from Sitting On the Toilet
<Moshing> st2: How'd it all work out?
<st2> I'm happy. The toilet is happy. We're all happy.
<st2> Did I mention my bowel is happy?

*** st2 is now known as W
* st2 hopes W doesn't hate me for that.
<st2> That's one nice things about artificial intelligence. You can beat it to death and suddenly become its friend and it won't hold grudges.
<st2> Well, I think I'll go look for AI machines to play mind games with...bye

* sbingham- really needs a hair cut too.
<core> sbingham: get a girl, she'll remind you. SIGHAIR or something.
<core> rhowe: it'll return -ENOSEX until you handled SIGHAIR.

<core> young kids will be just another excuse to hack instead of being in bed :)
> up rocking the baby to sleep while typing
<core> sjh: see, you get my evil plan too. (i expect 2 years before i have to do that :)
<core> "yes, honey, i'm rocking the baby. that? oh, that's a brand new scheduling algorithm for those PDA that I.. er, i mean, no, i'm just killing time"
> core, and the baby's first words will probably be gcc or gdb or some such
> or they learn to type and debug code before they learn to talk
<core> sjh: yeah, although jenny doesn't want to call her clementine if it's a girl :P
<wlfshmn> sjh: that would be neat ;)
<core> sjh: yes, i asked, so, it'd be easier to remember :)
<core> sjh: she said something along the lines of 'no fucking way', i don't remember the exact wording :)
<wlfshmn> Copyright 2000 <namehere> Marty (Age 3), an optimal, fast, scalable, portable CPU scheduler
<wlfshmn> core: wouldn't that make daddy proud ;)
<core> $Rev 1.5 cmarty Fixed all those stupid bugs my daddy had left$
> cvs commit -m"fixing daddys bugs release"
<rhowe> sjh: cvs commit dad?
> commit core to cvs yeah why not
> jen I am sure would like to be able to check out a previous revision of core that wasnt arguing or some such at some point
<core> $Rev 1.130 tried to made him understand the word 'responsibility'. not fully fixed yet$
<rhowe> $Rev 1.140 can't figure out why the extract-money patch isn't working - can anyone provide inspiration?
<rhowe> $Rev 1.140.1 ahh yeah, that fixed it. Thanks to mum for the MONEY_FROM_DAD_ONLY #define

############ buttload4 release 7 ends, release 8 begins ##############

<sbingham> Yay! "Hello World!" in assembly =)
<Coma> heh. certain people have too much time on their hands
<Epesh> Coma: and they spend all their time on goat pr0n and perky breasts.
<Rezidew> Someone say goat pr0n?
<Coma> epesh: hmm, perky breasts in asm?
<Coma> that would make unportable breast

* krynux slaps Tamahome_
* Tamahome_ slaps krynux
* krynux slaps Tamahome_ back
* Tamahome_ returns the slap again
* akopps slaps Tamahome
* Josh__ slaps krynux, but spoofs the source address as Tamahome.

/* editor's note: the opening hours posted on the door of the bar across the road from where I live containted the following */ Fri 31/12 Closed (Staff Drinking) Sat 01/01 Closed (Staff Hangover) Sun 02/01 Closed (Staff Party) Mon 03/01 Closed (Staff Hangover)

<mandrake> give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
<mandrake> teach a man to fish, and be endlessly amused by his poor casting technique.
<a-mused> shove a fish up his ass and he'll stink for a week.
<mendel> if you teach a man to fish, he can even hack the source cod
<a-mused> mendel++
<RETARDO> mendel++ # wowza
<mendel> Wowza?
<mendel> I've never got a wowza before.
<mendel> Wowza. :)

/* editor's note: dicussing nvidia cards over 3dfx */
> I dont care about speed if the graphics are that much better
<st2> sjh: Then you should make a ray-tracing version of quake.
<st2> You'll get about 0.00000001fps
<st2> but the graphics will be much better

/* editor's note: discussing john carmack */
<safemode> you guys make him sound divine.. this should all be buttloaded.. it's quite humerous
<safemode> next thing you know it's gonna be.. "didn't he spit fire out his ass and kill the English army"

/* editor's note: this was contributed by st2 */
<EkinCheng> What's the difference between god and a sysadmin? God doesn't walk around thinking he's a sysadmin

* EkinCheng fires up dd
* Tamahome_ chants "dd is not a toy, dd is not a toy"
*** Coma has changed the topic on channel #linux to [2.2.14/2.3.36] * FAQ: http://linuxfaq.quartz.net.nz * We support Green Piece * Get your dd(tm) toy here for free
<EkinCheng> mummy I want a dd! Dave's got a dd, why can't I have a dd?
<EkinCheng> then there will be all these "how to be a dd master" books
<EkinCheng> Bonza! Master plan!
<EkinCheng> We disguise dd as a toy, and brainwash young children into using Linux! Coma> don't forget the cartoons. that'll help boost up sales
<EkinCheng> Oh yeah, and a TV show
<EkinCheng> "I choose you, /dev/fd0!"
<sq0> dd?
<sq0> did linux get boobies?
<Coma> perky breasts, rather
<cmos_> dd's are definately boobies
<EkinCheng> dd if=cup size of=/dev/girlfriend count=dd
<cmos_> ddd's need a pilot vehicle
> hopefully linux did not get dd boobies, after all the people here are perky breasts fans and as far as I can tell it is a physical imposibility for dd to be perky

/* editor's note: this was contributed by kleptog */
<st2> The quicker the hack, the less time there is to add bugs

<Liandrin> xL: somehow that reminds me of an ad from Dutch TV I saw, with two little girls in the back seat and the parents in the front... they start the car, and this song starts up "I wanna fuck you in the ass.." and they nod their heads and smile and sort of bounce to the beat... as they drive off the caption "Engelske leren?" comes up ;)

/* editor's note: in this country all over the place there are large signs up saying "police targeting something" where something is drink driving or speeding, etc */
> anyway driving to sydney the other day I cracked up badly as on the highway just on the outskirts somones has changed one of the signs and painted on it that the Police are targeting Donut Shops

<wlfshmn> I never understood why anyone would relate timezones to _daylight_ I mean.. god.. when did I see the sun last anyway? :)
<wlfshmn> I looked out the bathroom window the other day and nearly got blinded ;)

<jql> Aliens visit Japan all the time... it's just that crop circles don't stick in rice patties
<Shai_Tan> most aliens are chased out of japan by "b grade" monsters

<Epesh> fooler: pfft, the aliens are sexless.
<fooler> Epesh: they come here to have sex
<Epesh> fooler: in that case, they don't HAVE girls. the one drawback to aliens. No goats, no perky breasts, no goats with perky breasts.

<wlfshmn> is there a nation known for high quality g0ats with no morals? ;)
<Epesh> and do the goats have perky breasts?
<wlfshmn> Epesh: well, tell you what... g0ats are _NOT_ sexier when shaved...

/* editor's note: yes we do advertise tampons in #linux I suspect */
<Chaos_> anyone home?
<st2> Chaos: No
<jql> I'm on the golf course
* st2 is on the ski slope.
* cmos is skydiving
<Chaos_> im actually driving down the motorway :-)
* suman is bungee jumping
* wuzzah steals sumans bungee rope
* st2 DoS sumans' bungee rope #I# Signoff: suman (ircII2.8.2-EPIC3.004 --- Bloatware at its finest.)
<st2> Ah ha! I did it!
<st2> He splat

<Coronach> I'm insecure.
<Coronach> That's cause my penis is in permisc mode.
* st2 locked Coronach up in the dungeon years ago. He's pretty secure down there.

* washort <---- soon-to-be Auburn student. :)
<mendel> <-- brunette student
<ignatz> <--- arrow points at
* dynweb <--- depressed student
<mendel> <-- brunette Student
* washort <- sleepy student
<DrForr> <-- Bidirectional -->
<mendel> you're, uh, 'bidirectional', are you
<mendel> HOLY GARLIC, BATMAN
<DrForr> Take that how you like... :)
<Njaph> <-- full-time student

<mendel> eagle, a scalar.
<mendel> don't think "strings".
<mendel> perl has scalars, arrays, hashes.
* sjh wonders why perl does not have perky breasts, there should be a perky bresated data type
<washort> sjh: because perl is not supposed to be sexy :) that's the job of stuff like, ummm... REBOL. or Java
<Che_Fox> perl IS sexy
<Che_Fox> I get hard every time I see some

<Serioli> The ORA folks want me to start taking care of the `what's new' section on perl.com
<ignatz> PERL GUNMAN SLAYS 2, HURTS 8 IN MALL RAMPAGE
<washort> BOMB THE MALL
<aevil> mmmm...a mall bomb
<dynweb> AEVIL IS THE UNABOMBER
<dynweb> BUT SHE'S TOO SEXY TO BE THE UNABOMBER
* Serioli ponders what Aevil would look like with that beard.
<imploded> DARKUNCLE LOOPS MY AURAL SEXUALITY

* Jet_Down just thinks hes semi-immortal... like duncan mccloud. ive come close to death too many times, the forces above dont want me to leave earth, they just want me to suffer
<wlfshmn> when I die, the universe will just route around my dead carcass.
<wlfshmn> Jet_Down: who said anything of forces _above_ ?
* wlfshmn worships the forces that are slightly to the left.

<Masque> Yeah, and emacs is just 'ed' with a fistful of steroids and a few pretty blondes in the limosine.

<a-mused> ENOPURL
<jalex> I miss purl
<a-mused> purl misses you too, jalex :)
* stimps pretends to be purl for jalex's sake. #I# a-mused changed nickname to purl
> stimps, seen stimps
<stimps> hell if I know, sjh.
<Halfjack> Sailor Purl
<Halfjack> "fucked if I know you dipshit"
<purl> stimps was last seen on #perl 31 seconds ago saying "hell if I know, sjh."

<jalex> someone sent me one of those forwards where they answer like 50 questions about themselves and then want you to send it back
<stimps> jalex: oh, i got one of those from some female I know. it was SO BAD
<stimps> "when you think cologne, do you think: CHANEL #5, Opium, or some other shit?" I was like... "I think of DOGSHIT. ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU SENT ME THIS STUPID EMAIL"
<jalex> stimps: but some guy sent it to her. her answers made me feel bad because she says for one of the answers "fred is nice. Like Fred's friend Jim says "if you can't get along with Fred, you can't get along It just so happens I don't get along with fred..
<stimps> just write FRED SUCKS for every answer, jalex.
<stimps> FRED SUCKS FREDSUCKSFREDSUCKSFREDSUCKS

*** Topic for #linux: [2.2.14/2.3.40] FAQ: http://linuxfaq.quartz.net.nz * To all those who thought live goat pr0n is disgusting: You've obviously never seen DEAD goat pr0n.

<Bensinc> I went outside once.
<OldMonk> there is no outside, it's a vapourware propagated by Bill Gates
<Obliviax> I took a leak out the window once.
<Bensinc> I have a toilet in front of my machine.
<Mr_Fab> Obliviax.. Damn! I thought it was acid rain!
<Bensinc> And I take chocolate milk through an IV.
<Obliviax> Ben: I take caffeine through a fucking fire hose. :)

<st2> Is a "software modem" something that you use /bin/vi to write? ie: createa sofware modem by '/bin/vi modem.c'

<RelDrgn> dropping this fan must have knocked the dust out of it, it seems much more powerful now
* Unbekannt drops his CPU (hmmm)

<Ooogy> slouken@devolution.com [hg2-beta] Joystick support Sam Lantinga
<Ooogy> oopse
<docfu> oooh!
<docfu> INSIDER LOKIGAMES INFO ALERT!
* docfu buys stock
* docfu sells stock
* docfu makes $0.02
<docfu> I'M FUCKIN RICH!
* docfu moves to colorado and is never heard from again

<dyson> so quake+pr0n = st2 being very happy?
<dyson> dare i say it, nude quake?
<st2> No, sex and violence don't mix
<st2> If you like lemonade and milk, would you mix it together before drinking?

* mr_quag wonders why nobody is helping him
* st2 helps mr_quag for five seconds
<st2> mr_quag: the answer to you question is that you...<EOT>
* st2 stops helping mr_quag

############ buttload4 release 8 ends, release 9 begins ##############

> after all /bin is for things that are needed during bootup
> perl should not be needed to boot a computer
<Cheezlbub> sjh: if i cat it, my kernel starts with #!/bin/perl

<CarpeDiem> but tell me...I have an app for tk ? where should i run it?
<wlfshmn> CarpeDiem: in a contained environment. on a non-networked box. wouldn't want it to spread.

* Epesh notes his version: Epesh v928937289237817
<core> $Id: buttload4.text,v 1.5 2000/05/15 11:40:58 sjh Exp $
<core> $Log: buttload4.text,v $
<core> Revision 1.5 2000/05/15 11:40:58 sjh
<core> buttload 4 release 9, this will be the final buttload 4 release,
<core> wighing in at only 88514 bytes or approx 86 KB it is undersized, but
<core> hey core counts in base six (or sex (ala hex)) anyway
<core>

<Che_Fox> yep
<Che_Fox> just remember:
<Che_Fox> YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG.
<Che_Fox> as long as I remember that, I do fine
<Hak-Nam> Naah, that's bullshit.
<Hak-Nam> NO Che_Fox THAT'S WRONG
<lucs> Che-Fox: What, I'm always wrong?
<Che_Fox> everyone is wrong.
<Hak-Nam> Except tom.
<Che_Fox> Tom is wrong on principle, even when he's right. :)
<lucs> YES hak-nam THAT'S RIGHT
<|siv|> someone asked me today if tom was a real person...
<Hak-Nam> siv: What did you say?
<|siv|> that was a hard one to answer ;)
<kjj> define 'real'
<|siv|> i said, yes - he is "real"
<Hak-Nam> ``Uh, he possesses an extension into physical space, if that's what you mean.''
<Hak-Nam> ``Is Tom Christiansen real?'' ``No, you're just a brain in a vat.''
<Hak-Nam> OK, that's my favorite thing that I've said all week.
<RuPerl> tom christiansen is real, he just plays an exercise guru on tv the rest of the week ;)

<Rezidew> DOS makes the world go round.
<Paul-K> I think it's actually DB2 that makes the world go round, but that might just be marketing talking.
<wlfshmn> Paul-K: the world doens't go around at all. it's everything else that goes around earth.
<brunr> angular momentum makes the world go round *duck*
<st2> I thought it was spacetime curvature based on pseudo-reimannian geometry that makes the world go round.

* Nuke is so elite, he gets 31337KB/s on every download.

<risin_> asako books are the best creation of mankind :)
> wow someone in #linux saying anything that isnt "perky breasts" is the best creation of man kind
<Coma> sjh: um, aren't they?
> coma, depends on your religous views
<Coma> my whole religous background is based on the fact that god is the only one who can create perky breasts

/* editor's note: the next 6 entries were contributed by akopps */

<Criggie_> What is suppsoed to be run on port 664 ?
<Pixel> port 664 is the goat Pron server. leave it alone

* LustiG0at looks for some goatpr0n

<akopps> How can I spam the #linux op mailing list?
<Pixel_> zakopps use a goat pron thingie. *duck*

<wlfshmn> .
<akopps> wlfshmn: I see your point

* st2 will now go fetch 0xc0ffee

<Nuke> hey, watch it. there will be no censorship on #linux
<Epesh> nuke: y*s th*r* w*ll b*
<Epesh> * ***'* **** ***** ********!
<Nuke> **** ***!

<Tamriel> net: No, it's more if you have an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of hard drives, one of them will eventually make a distro, package it up and go an IPO.

<Tamriel> fsck a duck!
> hmm what happens when the duck dies during fsck, is the return error -ENOQUACK ?

<Rezidew> It's been said that a million monkeys typing on a million typewriters for a million years will eventually reproduce the entire works of William Shakespeare. In the meantime what they'll produce is a valid sendmail.cf file.

<Tamriel> sjh: Though, knowing Optus, it'll probably route through a fucking Siberian bear with an RJ-45 port before it gets to anywhere else in Melbourne.
> lol that is almost buttloadable, routing through a russian bear with a cat 5 cable up its arse
<Tamriel> Or, if Optus is staffed by #Linux IRC freaks, a g0at with CAT-5 up its arse :)
* Tamriel has a theory that all NT boxen are really just Wang terminals to a CAT-5 enabled g0at. And he's sticking to it.

<Coma> bind is like playdoh :)
> ooohh kinky "Im so hot you could mould me like a caching dns server"

<E-TEchz> Are u dudes Linux Specialists ??
<Tamriel> E-TEchz: N0, w3 4r3 3r33+ b|u3 c4rp3+ d34|3rz.
<Tamriel> E-TEchz: ph34r 0ur t3kn|qu3z.
<Evii> Tamriel: I ph33r U r L33tN355
<Tamriel> 3v||: B0w d0wn f3w|!
<Evii> tAmr13L: 1 b0W 2 U aNd U R P3rkY Br3east3d G0at ;)

/* editor's note: saw this on a mailing list */ Documentation is available in .c fomat ;)

* hen-ryuu wanders back off to smack a few more keys in emacs
> hmm you play kinky sex games with emacs?
<LustiLisa> sjh if you could I'd drop vi in a second
<Pixel_> well hitting escape all the time can't be condusive for sex
* Epesh cranks up ^C^X sex-mode

/* editor's note: saw this in a signature */ "Apparently if you play the Windows NT CD backwards you hear satanic messages" "You think that's bad, if you play it forwards it installs Windows NT!" --orlando

<aiel> *yawn*
* asako flips a grape into aiel's open mouth
* sjh crow bars a m00 k0w into aiel's open mouth
<aiel> *gasp*
* asako ph33rs sjh's c4rn1v0r0us k0w :)
* st2 ph33r promiscuous k0wz.

<Bensinc> I just spent a good 10 minutes making sure my HTML was indented according to my style. :)
<st2> ...and later found out you were drunk and all that work went to waste.

<freeside> jesus xrist. my mother just called me up. "the internet in my office is not working." "please look at the modem and tell me what lights are on." "they're all off." "is it connected to the power?" "no, we unplugged it." "plug it in."
<freeside> "oh, so you mean the modem has to be on before the internet can work?"
<mendel> freeside, subtly mention that you hope that Yahoo doesn't notice that your mother turned the internet off
<freeside> i can just see the headlines. "middle-aged manager in southeast asia accidentally turns off the internet."
<XFire> NOOO!
<XFire> PLEASE NOT TO BE TURNINK OFF THE INTERNET.
<freeside> "why did you unplug it?" "because the windows fileserver is broken, so we unplugged everything."

/* editor's note: saw this in a signature */ "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" - Rich Jeni

/* editor's note: found this in an OS text book, the well read among you may even know which early 80's text this originally comes from */ A much more serious problem is that if one process fails (eg. it is eaten by a polar bear on its way to the igloo), the other process is blocked permanently.

############ buttload4 release 9 ends ################################