################### buttload5 release 1 begins #######################

/* editor's note: saw this on a counting crows newsgroup from about a year ago */
<post> lets hope the new CC album hits shelves before the return of Christ.
<reply> why are you comparing the release of the new album to a dead jew on a stick?

* wlfshmn notes that when OldMonk rules the world, we will have to hide our daughters/sisters/wifes/mothers and grandmothers, as well as any g0ats and sheep.
<OldMonk> wlf: ...and i will open Speciality Panty Stores at every street corner :)
* PuseBeret wonders why wlf doesnt hide his gf
<wlfshmn> PuseBeret: because that isn't my gf, it's bubba, wearing a dress. Works as a monk distractor.
* PuseBeret buttloads
<wlfshmn> darn.. would have been one of the few buttloads I participated in not entailing goats.. much...

> do not do shit as root
* xL always installs new software as user nobody
<xL> I even chowned every file on the system to nobody
<xL> so that evil root need not touch it
<xL> and then I deleted the nobody account
<xL> so that nobody cannot touch it
<xL> and then I realized I couldn't install software anymore so I made all files a+w
<xL> now I never need to su anymore :)
<hotlegs> xl: great now any user can damage your system.
<xL> hotlegs: so I deleted all user accounts
<xL> hotlegs: and now I live in the woods, like a hermit. Eating insects. Chopping firewood.
<xL> Sometimes I come out and haunt the nearby village.
<xL> And my rabbithole is B2 secure

<Schwern> Are we using perl to generate a shell script?
<Schwern> Its like building a bridge across a canyon so you can tie a rope and cross with that.

<hachi> fimmtiu, how did you know i was playing with irc?
<fimmtiu> <hachi> um, im having problems with NET::IRC::Connection, does anyone know any tricks to debugging things like that?
* mendel eyes hachi
<Schwern> hachi: He's lying. The house is bugged. Burn everything and get out.
<Addi> his modules sends backdoor logs to his machine.
<Addi> He's hax0ring j00 as w3 sp34k
<Addi> Oh - that is his ESP.

<core> mips is lean. SHx is also; arm is the leanest i guess. scary since it was designed by a woman :)
<wlfshmn> core: what did you expect? a cpu with curtains? ;)
<core> wlfshmn: i don't know, a cpu with CLEANUP and FLOWER instructions, and that doesn't give you the reason of crashes. ("i'm pissed, you find out YOURSELF!").
* sjh ponders a cpu with a DEFLOWER instruction....
<core> wlfshmn: and then of course the cpu would be of no use 5 days every month.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by daniels */
*#* Signoff: FreshM (vini... vidi... vichi...)
> that could be abbreviated to 10:15PM|*#* Signoff: FreshM (vi... vi... vi...)
> even though, for me, as a joe user, that's blasphemy ...
> I've gotta make shameless yet pathetic attempts to get buttloaded :)
<FreakzZ> DanielS: Is that your lot in life?
> FreakzZ: what, being a joe user?
<FreakzZ> DanielS: no, being buttloaded?
> FreakzZ: well, I was in 4 times in the last one, gotta keep up the tradition :)
<FreakzZ> DanielS: If you were to be buttloaded more, would you reach your pinnacle of success?
> Freakie: I would be satisfied and die in a horrific accident involving a phillips head screwdriver, a g0at and a particle accelerator the next day :)
<FreakzZ> DanielS: that's nifty (sjh: hurry up, buttload him more) ;)
* FreakzZ freaks

/* editor's note: this was contributed by daniels, he found it in one of the 2.4.* NAT files, written by Paul Russell */ /* So there I am, in the middle of my `netfilter-is-wonderful' talk in Sydney, and someone asks `What happens if you try to enlarge a 64k packet here?'. I think I said something eloquent like `fuck'. */

<strider_> "I know i'm right. And if I'm not, I'm STILL right, because I'm the *OPERATOR*. It's just that simple!" -- BOFH.
<Lion-O> strider_: no no no... A small correction if you allow me: "....And if I'm not, I'm STILL right, because you won't be here to tell me different anymore"
* Lion-O grins
*#* odigo (~odigo@c18743224.telekabel.chello.nl) has joined channel #Linux
<odigo> long live PAKISTAN
*#* Mode change +b *!*odigo@*.chello.nl on channel #Linux by Lion-O
*#* odigo has been kicked from #Linux by Lion-O (offtopic)
* strider_ does not that wwe rarely stay on topic in this channel. :D
* HmJ hands strider_ a copy of Typing Tutor..'here, but I really need this back, as I can't type either'

<Pikoro> is there an easy way to dump an entire external file into a variable?
<Masque> Yep.
<Somni> next!
<Pikoro> ok, would you mind telling me how? even a vague answer would probably be helpfull
<Somni> open, and like, read, and stuff
<Somni> how's that?
<Pikoro> perfect! very vague, and helpfull...
<Pikoro> so I can dump a file to a var by using open.
<ology> No. You open a file with open().
<Somni> and like, read, and stuff
<Somni> reading is, like, important, man
<sulken> try, $filedata = `cat bigfile`;
<Somni> evil sulken, bad bad
<Pikoro> right, so like, open(FILE, $filename);
<sulken> shhh
<Somni> no, you shh
<Somni> no bad answers
<sulken> at least its an answer
<sulken> and it works
<Pikoro> I got that far, I just need to dump it to a var...
<ology> sulken: This is #perl, not #sh.
<Somni> sulken: please to not be insulting the people in here who have helped more than you apparently know, if you don't like us, please to be leaving
<sulken> please to be not insulting yourself and try straight answers instead of mocking.
<purl> NPD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a common syndrome typically evidenced by saying "if you aren't here to help me, why do you exist at all?"
<Somni> sulken: bad answers are worse than no answers at all
<sulken> that wasnt a bad answer
<Somni> one does not use cat in Perl just to get at a file if one can open and read
<sulken> surely they do. and there's tons of code that proves it.
<Masque> Surely they do, because they are STUPID AND FALSELY LAZY.
<Somni> sulken: I cannot comment on this code, but if it's using cat to read a file, it's more than likely horrible code
<ology> and un-portable.
<Masque> And stupid. Don't forget stupid.
<Masque> I don't mean that in a mean way.
<Masque> But it demonstrates a lack of desire to do things with skill.
<Masque> There's no love in that code.
<Masque> It's like a cheap plastic lawn chair.
<Pikoro> hey, I like cheap plastic lawn chairs
<Masque> You can't argue that there is no love in their construction, however.
<Masque> No real craftsmanship.
<Pikoro> sure, the guy who used the cad software to create the mold loved it...
<Somni> "I spent hours on that cheap plastic lawn chair. It's a masterpiece, my finest creation!"

<a-mused> osangar: you do *not* want to install mod_perl using DSO
<Somni> unless you're me, in which case you apparently do, and can get away with it
* a-mused normally goes with the concensus of groups such as mod_ssl and Mason users who concur that DSO installation leads to pain 4 times out of 5
* Somni goes with empirical evidence
<a-mused> empirical evidence gathered by ONE means precisely squat in the big picture.
<a-mused> empirical evidence gathered by a group > 100 is a touch more meaningful
<Somni> empirical evidence gathered by two admins with a production box using mod_perl as a DSO means precisely a whole lot to those two admins
<a-mused> correct
<a-mused> but that does not consitute solid advice
<Somni> "It works for me." is just fine

<Andre66> mendel is a prick
<Andre66> yeah im gone here
<Somni> "Hi, I hate you all, so I'm going to sit here telling you all that for as long as I can."
<a-mused> "I really don't like one person, so all of you suck." .. "hrm, ok. when's your next dosage due?"
<skandel> how could someone hate a whole channel?
<a-mused> gawd.. that's gotta be the core thinking behind (road|air|bike|train|moped|unicycle|snowmobile) rage
<Chinchila> (unicycle rage)++

<skandel> is heh proper IRC terminology?
<Somni> skandel: is there such a thing?
<skandel> point me to the URL if there is
<Dantic> I wouldn't worry about getting your 'heh' right until you fix your punctuation and capitalization.
<skandel> People don't bother in email so im sure has hell not going to worry in IRC
<Dantic> Take pride in my language? My eloquence? Fuck that, I don't mind looking like a third grader, I'm going to save my shift key for when I really need to log into AOL.
<Dantic> We don't need raging hormonal assholes here, r00tboy.
<Dantic> [RankR00t] It's taking you idiots long enough to get on with it. Could a kick/ban be so difficult?
<Dantic> Sure, just leave.
<Dantic> Get out. See the world. Take a spelling class.
<Dantic> Meet a 'girl'.
<Dantic> Or a boy!
<Dantic> Or a college football team, whatever makes you smile.

<docfu> st2 want a 600mb mpeg?
<steven_2> of what?
<steven_2> of grass growing?
<Tasuki> pr0n I'd imagine
<steven_2> I never found watching grass grow all that erotic.
<Tasuki> Grass pr0n

<iota_> man, I want a CD of the internet, anyone have one?
<KumaSan> iota_: I have 'em both..
<KumaSan> iota_: 'course, it took me 2^37 seconds to download, and over a 14.4 modem too..

/* editor's note: this was contributed by daniels */
* bwe12 is installing Corel 'just 2 see'
* Stryder smacks himself in the head with a brick 'just 2 see'
<bwe12> free download, so what the ....
<brunr> bwe12: If I gave you a free pencil, would you stick it in your eye? Of course not.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by daniels, his comment, in the middle of a GNOME vs. KDE discussion */
<asclepius> so if im running it alone kde is the way to go?
<SaintSin> asclepius: it's kind of asking which is nicer to wear, G-strings or a pair of boxers ... one is kinda sexy and cool, one is boring and comfy.

* roo has discovered the life cycle of tea
<roo> 1) make tea 2) drink tea 3) wait one hour 4) pee 5) wait one hour 6) pee...

<Z0D> ehlo
<mendel> HELO
> oh joy surrounded by rfc821 compliant ircers
<dynweb_> 250 Hello mendel (mendel!rich@clubat.org) niced to meet you.
<a-mused> RCPT TO:<mendel@#perl>\r\nDATA\r\nHeya, how goes?\r\n.\r\n

<Latinum> I ate fucking 5 lbs of steak tonight
<Latinum> it was all you can eat prime rib
<Latinum> anyway, the guy I live with and I get food all the time
<Latinum> and he's this really stocky alpha male type
<Latinum> benches like 450, hairy, etc.
<Latinum> and I'm a really tall pretty boy
<Latinum> so instantly people think we're queer as a football bat
<Latinum> anyway, whenever I order dessert when we get food together, it always manages to come out with two spoons or two forks
<Latinum> this apparently never happens to him, but anytime I'm getting food with a guy dessert shows up with two utensils
<Latinum> so I bet him that if I ordered dessert, it would show up with two
<Latinum> he threatened to ruin the bet by hitting on the waitress, but I wouldn't have it.
<Latinum> Anyway, around steak #5 I told him we had to call off the bet on the logic that there's no way anyone would expect a gay man to eat 5 lbs of steak
<Latinum> not that it makes any rational sense, but if you think about it it's true :)

<Hackworth> I moved to LA a few week back and have shifted two apartments since. Learnt cooking, laundry and several other forms of unfamilar life-support engineering.
<dynweb_> laundry--
<crimson> laundry++, going to work nude is sub-optimal

<sauvin> Repeat after me: NOTHING EVER INITALISES TO ANYTHING PREDICTABLE. INITIALISE EVERYTHING EXPLICITLY. YOU WILL LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO ENJOY SEX
**AND** YOUR EYESIGHT IF YOU DO NOT INITIALISE EVERYTHING YOURSELF.

############ buttload5 release 1 ends, release 2 begins ##############

* steven_2 prints out buttload and walk down the street in a trench coat (because it's cold) asking people, "Do you want to see my buttload?"

<PRoBz> anyone here that can give me some help on a shell
* steven_2 stands on shell and helps PRoBz

/* editor's note: this was contributed by daniels */
<il_d> usr/java/jdk1.3/bin/java: /usr/bin/head: No such file or directory, anyone know what I have to install to get this
> il_d: to get head, you have to install goodbody.so
<il_d> DanWoof: search for goodbody or goodbody.so on freshmeat didn't give anything, do you know where I can get it ?

/* editor's note: Rockafell was looking for some software and was told to go find it online */
<Rockafell> now i have to download it or something?
<Epesh> Rockafell: no, use it remotely
<Epesh> you should never have to download software, that'd be a pain
<Epesh> so just use it from it's author's box, much more convenient as he probably knows how to configure it

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries were contributed by polarwolf */

<kathul> Lisa: most important to be a man is to understand this: Women says : this place is a mess! C'mon! You and i need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you will have no clothes to wear if we dont do laundry right now
<kathul> bla bla com on blabla you and me blabla on the floor blalbla no clothes blabla right now

<ataX> LustiLisa: you also need to know how to snore real loud, how to make sounds with your armpits, like strippers, and beer
* jgaddis likes strippers and beers.
<LustiLisa> I love beer, strippers, I snore but I can't fart with my pits :(
* LustiLisa cried! I am not a real man!
<core_> LustiLisa: stop shaving them, skip your shower every other day, let some grease accumulate there, and you will.
<LustiLisa> Ewwww
<LustiLisa> Then I'd be a french woman not a man!

* roofox takes a nice pee
* Tamahome sends roo to the doctor to check out that loose bladder of his
<roofox> actually, I have to go to the doctor this month after I get my insurance
<roofox> I haven't had a checkup in like 47,271,456 years
> checkup? Bah, never had one.
<roofox> thats because your from the netherlands
<Dan__> dude, you must have known some pretty cool cave men roo
> The only reason why I went to the doctor's in the past two years was to get fraxiparine.
<roofox> Dan__: oh I knew em all
<roofox> I was there when they invented fire!
<roofox> and the wheel? was there
> (I broke my leg, and needed to inject myself with that crap,,,fsck, it hurt)
<Dan__> I suppose you invented the internet also?
<roofox> man, you should have seen UGO when he invented that wheel
<roofox> he ran around for days, shouting and screaming, finally a lion ate him
<roofox> we were pretty sad about that
<roofox> but then we made stuff with the wheel, so it was all good
<roofox> the hard part was inventing things with two wheels
<Primus> sometimes I think I would like to visit roo's world, but other times I would rather stay away :P
<Dan__> yeah, roofox is a bit out there
<Dan__> reminds me of my friend Ryan
<Dan__> except Ryan is worse
<roofox> finally this smart kid named Barg invented things with 4 wheels
<roofox> we had a party for that one
<roofox> Dan__: my world is fun
<roofox> you should come visit sometime
<Dan__> disturbing is a better word for it

<roofox> this room is *NOT* your personal help channel for when you get stuck or fuck up
> this is infact roofox's personal help channel for when he fucks up
<roofox> ixactly!
<roofox> and I get real defensive when people infringe on my territory
<roofox> and I pee alot

* roofox ponders
<roofox> pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
<roofox> "I think so brain, but where are we gonna find rubber pants our size?"

<exel> there is nothing gnome can do
<exel> that xsetroot -solid \#203050 can't do better

!khagen-r*! Loves large UPS's 75kVA rules
!Addervark*! until they smoke up.
!Addervark*! Ever since I had a 5kVA one burn up and knock out a radio station I've been a fan of lots of small ones.
!khagen-r*! Basically... Internet router and Dallas-R.. on a 75kVA UPS
!khagen-r*! That should hold for a while :)
!nil*! and how long will the UPS last ?
!Addervark*! if that's all that's on it, till the end of february. :)

<Obliviax> I find myself saying 'Before your time' to my girlfriend all the time.
<Obliviax> She's 3 months younger than me.

<st2> The enter key is the most important thing in our civilization.
<st2> Computers will be sitting there looking at you funny.
<st2> No commands will ever be executed.
<st2> And I can talk on and on for several pages and none of you will ever see me type anything at all..and a lot of good ideas might get wasted which reminds me of C programs without enough white space or usage of enterkeys where all the commands run together in one huge fricken big ass line including comments as well which could cause problem since some comments requires columns to draw pictures or required facts such as electronics schemes.
<st2> But the point is that you won't see any of my typing.

<Bensinc> What's with the nick?
<Asmodean> I just swap around alot. ;)
<Bensinc> I use Bensinc.
<Bensinc> I hear changing nicks all the time makes you sterile.

<Trizin> docfu : no, stupidity is not an obstacle to reproduction. america has proved that.

<Spoof> does redhat5 support pnp or let it at least work?
<Niels> RH5 comes with isapnptools, which comes with manual pages. you come with eyes and fingers, ergo read the manual page.

* Niels just got another lawsuit threat, namely
<illuzion> niels: what on earth for?
<Niels> luz - I said EuroNet had packet filters, he wanted to prosecute me for anti-business practices or something
<Niels> personally I don't think there's any fucking difference between failing to accept packets destined to 2049 (nfs) or failing to accept packets with forged source address or destined to my sendmail daemon because I don't want it
<illuzion> can he even do that?
<Niels> luz - fat chance, he meant to press criminal charges, which is kinda hard to do - I live in Holland, he lives in, um, somewhere I certainly am not...
<Niels> (probably a large room with nice, soft, white walls, and lots of doctors in white overcoats.)
<Niels> but they forgot his daily medication for the last week, he's been posting off-topic crap to nanog again :(
<aiel> nanog? wotsat?
<Niels> North American Network Operators Group (I lurk on the list since I have a router at MAE-East and buy from UUnet.)

/* editor's note: this was of course a pick on BONK day */
!OmniDynmc*! "Use the `Trike' Luke." - "The `Trike' runs strong in your family."

/* editor's note: the following entry were contributed by DanielS */
* Razathorn ((( FEELS THE BASS )))
* DanielS ((( FEELS THE BROKEN PARENTHESES KEYS )))
* DanielS ((( FEELS THE CAPS LOCK )))
* RelDrgn ((( FEELS SICK )))
* Wensu (( BLINKS ))
* CapPicard ((( FEELS ICKY INSIDE )))
* mdew ((( HATES CAPS AND BRACKETS )))

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries were contributed by akopps */

<st2> You might find a bunch of carpenters and handymen at #windowmaker

<flashqx> what is the most recommended remote administration software for a linux box?
<GrndZero> ssh
<GrndZero> ssh + clue
<GrndZero> But don't forget the cowboy hat either
<flashqx> what is the most recommended remote administration software for a linux box? I mean like webmin, linuxconf, stuff like that.
<GrndZero> You don't want any of that
<GrndZero> Just remember
<GrndZero> Cowboy hat + big dick + ssh == remote admin

* wlfshmn ponders why clients are always so bothersome
<Ori0n> wlfshmn: because they expect service for money?
<wlfshmn> can't they just buy the product and then die or something...
<core_> wlfshmn: we'll get there, but we need to go in steps..
<Ori0n> it starts off with, them buying the product, then you kill them
<Ori0n> they'll start dying on their own..
<wlfshmn> core_: seems to me the tobacco industry and the arms dealers have a headstart
<Ori0n> or you can be like Patrick Bateman.. and just kill and kill and kill
<core_> wlfshmn: yeah, they have the edge over software about that
<wlfshmn> core_: We are more dynamic though.. we adapt more easily ;)
<wlfshmn> core_: Plus, it's much much easier to smuggle software ;)
<core_> wlfshmn: intel will secretly put uranium charges in their chipsets next year, a special code sequence will activate them, the user will die of a general cancer before she can report bugs

/* editor's note: the following 2 entries were contributed by Freakzz */

* brunr is away. message will be fed to the rabbits, who will be ground up and fed to the goat, which will produce milk that will be converted to cheese. Your message will be derived from the taste of the cheese
<FreakzZ> brunr: will you serve them with Wine?
<brunr> FreakzZ: only the best will do, Nighttrain 1999
<FreakzZ> brunr: in that case, serve me up some of your finest messages and Wine
* brunr grinds up a few rabbits

<mdew> Sean
<Tamahome> <-- Sean
<FreakzZ> <-- Not Sean
<mdew> <-- not Sean
<meow_> <-- not sure
<DarkElf> <-- just don't know

/* editor's note: at a LUG meeting, we were trying to lower a ceiling mounted projector so we could turn it on, basically I am still giggling over the scene, maybe you had to be there */
<someone> does it come down?
<gus> not slowly

############ buttload5 release 2 ends, release 3 begins ##############

<coke_nl> Epesh: genesis starts with breesjit bara elohim
<Epesh> coke_nl: bereshit, yes
<Shadur> Ep: .... You don't speak dutch, do you?
<Epesh> Shadur: heelll, nnooo
* Epesh doubles all his letters to come up with dduuttchch
<coke_nl> bereshit would be bear shit in dutch :)
<Epesh> coke_nl: "be-RE-shit" except hebrew doesn't really accent
<coke_nl> but i can imagine english speakers transcribe to bereshit for what we transcribe to breesjit
<Epesh> you netherlandians know about bears?
<Epesh> I thought all you knew about were dykes and needles
<SansGrip> and clogs and tulips
<Epesh> a ccloooggs and tuulips
<kleptog> Epesh: well, the word exists, so i guess they must have heard of them
<Epesh> kleptog: they're just wrong!
<Epesh> They call mastiffs bears
<Epesh> and stukas, too
<Epesh> "Look at those bears up the sky dropping bombs all over our tuulips"
<Epesh> "Damn, my cluugs just got a dyke in them"
<SansGrip> Epesh: nothing wrong with dykes. as long as i can watch
<coke_nl> dykes are pretty
* Epesh figures netherlandians just reuse the same four or five nouns for everything
<Coma> erm, pretty?
<Shadur> Sans: We've got great dykes here that you can watch whenever you want as long as you want
<Epesh> makes for interesting pillow talk, if you ask me
<Coma> usually they're justa wall of dirt
* SansGrip was referring to a different kind of... nevermind ;)
<Epesh> "Let me put my needle in your dyke" "Oooh baby, that clogs" "You tuulip!"
<SansGrip> "clog me like you've never clogged me before!"
<Epesh> SansGrip: "clog me like you've never beared me before" -- you amatuer!
<SansGrip> Epesh: or even "amateur" :P
<Epesh> SansGrip: big deal, this is iRC, noboddy expecks speiling coreckly
<Shadur> but we do try
<ataX> Epesh: not if you are wlfshmn
<Epesh> we duu n00t
<ataX> he is the King Of Typos(tm)
<SansGrip> Epesh: "we duu n00t"? more Dutch?
<wlfshmn> whoot!
* Shadur actually parsed that as a norse accent, Ep.
<Epesh> SansGrip: see? It's virtually indistinguishable!
<Epesh> Shadur: you .. parsed... and accent?
<Epesh> an accent?
<Shadur> Ep: sure!
<Epesh> Besides, aren't you finns related to the norse somehow?
<Shadur> I don't have fins.
<SansGrip> being an Englishman in Canada, people say taht to me all the time. they say "I parse that your accent is unusual"
* Epesh can NOT spell today
<coke_nl> Epesh: you cant do geography today either
* Epesh draws a perfect map of Europia
<Epesh> See? There's... france, and... that other place, and... see? There's a capital!
<SansGrip> Epesh: not forgetting that small one
<coke_nl> Epesh: ok, tell me where Kentucky is in Europe...
<Epesh> SansGrip: it's right there, you moron
* Epesh draws quickly
<Revenger_> coke_nl: next to St. Louis.
<Epesh> kentucky is right below that green country
<coke_nl> Revenger_: St. Louis is not in Europe
<Epesh> and that pink country, everyone knows that one
* Epesh wonders... isn't there an island somewhere?
* Epesh quickly draws a nipple where the bismarck sank
<SansGrip> Epesh: i bet you didn't remember Portugal, all the way up there next to Russia!
<Epesh> SansGrip: I sure did remember portugal! And brazil, too!
<coke_nl> Epesh: no, brazil is in Africa!
<SansGrip> coke_nl: Africa's a *country*, you moron
<coke_nl> no africa is a river
<SansGrip> Africa is a small natural hollow just outside Belgium
<Epesh> I know ALLS ABOUT GEOGRAPHY
<coke_nl> Epesh: tell me then, how much is 4 + 2?
<Epesh> 4+2 in AMERICA is... (tap tap! tap tap!) 6!
<Epesh> in hollandlandland it's 6.1 because you're still using pentiums there

<[DC]Splat> OH dont i have to bless it?
<[DC]Splat> yes i gotta bless it
<[DC]Splat> must bless folder before mac OS believes its real
* [DC]Splat says a hail apple
<[DC]Splat> i gotta touch it in macos before it becomes real, if i remember the workings of it
* [DC]Splat touches everything
<[DC]Splat> "Welcome to MacOS 8.6 What the hell is this foriegn OS on me?? im sorry dave i cant let you do that"

/* editor's note: the following 2 entries were contributed by daniels */
<Inouk> heya, how can I decode MIME message?
<exel> inouk: is he making movements with his hands like there is something keeping them? That decodes as the "glass wall routine". The RFC also lists on how to decode the "running down the stairs" routine and some other classics.

<exel> If Theo de Raadt patches a security hole in the woods and there's no-one there to see him, will it still be fixed in OpenBSD three years ago?

/* editor's note: this was contributed by rhowe */
* jgaddis is on a mission trying to quit saying "box".
<rhowe> jgaddis: hehe, ye shall fail
<wlfshmn> jgaddis: why?
<ataX> jgaddis all your box are belong to us
<jgaddis> Almost got me in trouble a few days ago, I was at Jennifer's playing on her computer and Ashley called me "where you at?" "jennifer's." "what're you doing there?" "oh, just playing with her box." "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
<wlfshmn> jgaddis: This Ashley character beeing someone you really don't want knowing about any other women buisness, eh? :)
* wlfshmn ponders the sanity level of people who answers their cell during sex
<jgaddis> wlfshmn: No, she knows, she just doesn't like it. She can't really say much, however, since she has a boyfriend, but she comes over to boink me twice a week or so.

/* editor's note: the following 2 entries were contributed by daniels */
<Joy> gawd, the ALL: PARANOID flamewar again
<wiggy> ah, right
> Joy: yes, and with half of it deviated off into the "craig sanders sucks" flamewar.
<Joy> DanielS: right, so i can skip it all right this instant
> Joy: right.
<Joy> i think we're using the word right too much :)
<Joy> left left left
<Joy> there. :)
<wiggy> middle!
<wiggy> and don't forget
<wiggy> FORWARD!
<ibid> up!
> down!
<liiwi> backwards!
> impolding!
> imploding, too!
<bod> down, not across
<Lo-lan-do> "Down, not across".
<ibid> posward!
<Lo-lan-do> (Still haven't understood that one)
<Lo-lan-do> bod: What's it supposed to mean?
<bod> Lo-lan-do: refers to wrists
<bod> if you intend to slice your wrists (presumably due to the stupidity of lusers--this is an a.s.r thing after all), then down, not across
<lamont_> bod: and don't forget the tub of warm water. Damn stuff coagulates too fast...
<Lo-lan-do> bod: Oh. I see. But, um, why? Is it more useful? More guaranteed to work? More painful?
<bod> do you *really* want to know?
<hmh> slicing wrists is for women. Be a man and open your belly.
<bod> contemptating something?
<hmh> Hurts a LOT more too.
<Lo-lan-do> Comtemplating understanding :-)
<bod> slicing wrists is probably the least effective way to kill yourself
<wolfie> bod: haha, it takes forever to bleed to death
<bod> there's generally plenty of time for you to be "found"
<wolfie> shoot yourself in the head
<wolfie> very effective
<bod> which is often the case I suspect
<wolfie> lesser chance of "wimping out" also
<wolfie> which is frequent with poison
<lamont_> Lo-lan-do: arteries that are cut straight across tend to pinch off, if you slice them lengthwise, they tend not to...
<wolfie> well its like they say lamont
<wolfie> "cut up, not across"
<wolfie> duh
<bod> pretty gross really
<Lo-lan-do> Okay. /me understands.
> why not just strap some c4 to yourself, and explode yourself in $PROMINENTPLACE, in name of $WHACKYRELIGIOUSCAUSE? die a martyr.
> martyr, not a wimp ;)
<wolfie> IN THE NAME OF DEBIAN *BOOM*
<lamont_> wolfie: I don't think it'll fly...
<wolfie> lamont_: ?
* bod intends to be taken from this world kicking and screaming
<lamont> wolfie: blowing yourself up for Debian...
* wolfie intends to take others screaming
<bod> I've no intention of accelerating the process

* wlfshmn ponders grabbing some lunch
* DanielS grabs some wlfshmn.
* wlfshmn cuts DanielS's hands off, and feeds them to the office intern
* wlfshmn pours gasoline on DanielS and puts him on fire
* wlfshmn gets the nobel peace price.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by jgaddis */
<brotherjg> How the hell did the tar guys get "j" from bunzip2?
<Nanuq> brotherjg: they said.. "we're gonna be jackasses, and change the letter.. what shall we use.." "Hmm.. what about j, for jackass?"

/* editor's note: this was contributed by Edhel-Dil (and a bit by polarwolf) */
* Nanuq straightens his tie
* Nanuq never wears a tie..
<Nanuq> it's ironic, I have loads of ties but never use 'em
<Nanuq> they look good, but..
<PolarWolf> I have 4 ties or so...
<Nanuq> PolarWolf: you ever use 'em?
<PolarWolf> Nanuq: Hardly
<PolarWolf> Nanuq: I wore one on my job interviews a month back... that was a first in over a year
<Nanuq> PolarWolf: I was to go to a job interview recently.. they said business attire. I realized this meant a tie, and didn't show up.
<PolarWolf> Nanuq: It's not that bad, but I'd refuse to have to work in one all day
<PolarWolf> It's bearable once a year or so
<Nanuq> PolarWolf: don't like anything tight..
<Nanuq> PolarWolf: nor anything that makes excessive noise
<Edhel-Dil> Nanuq: so, no girlfriend?

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries were contributed by polarwolf */
* kathul kicks PolarWolf where it hurts most
* PolarWolf watches kathul kick his wallet around

<messy> core is hardly in here though... he's too busy porting Nexcore to toasters and ovens...

<steg> HellTriX: well, if you don't want a quick /zap, I wouldn't mention warez in front of the ops.
*** steg has been kicked from #linux by PolarWolf (You mentioned warez)
*** PolarWolf has been kicked from #linux by Shadur (So did you.)
*** test0r has been kicked from #linux by wlfshmn (Warez turns your testicles into little verisons of DanielS)

/* editor's note: the following 5 entries were contributed by nanuq */
<jgaddis> A guy at work had some stuff in German on his screen saver and nobody ever knew what it said. Until a week or two ago, that is, when a couple of the corporate bigwigs were there, seen his computer and told him to go home.
<jgaddis> It seems his screen saver read "I hate this fucking place" in German.
<CapPicard> "ich hasse diese fickeniche Platz" ;)
<kathul> CapPicard: more like ich hasse diesen verdammten ort

*Greyfox_* Yeah. Review pr0n. Tell other people which pr0n is worth looking at and which pr0n sucks. -> *Greyfox_* Whoa! This one measures six on the erector scale!

<Comet> SUPERGOD: The World #1 Amatuer Porn Site.... www.thewetlands.com i'm doin netadmin stuff for them
<Comet> and i get to look at naked chicks all day
> Comet: so does a poultry farmer, big deal

<jgaddis> fretless-: One word: "depo-provera".
<jgaddis> It's that bitch control shit, but in a shot.
<jgaddis> Oh shit.
<jgaddis> s/bitch/birth/
<Dairenn> jgaddis: That is the best freudian slip I have EVER read.
<jgaddis> Somebody send that to sjh, I wanna get my butt loaded. :)

> Strider_: read all the docs you can until your eyes dry up, then fire up festival and listen until your ears implode
> Strider_: then learn braille and read until your fingers are worn to the bone
> Strider_: then, dammit, we'll find a way to read via taste
> lick the docs, dammit! LICK THE DOCS!
> LTFM!

############ buttload5 release 3 ends, release 4 begins ##############

<Revenger> perl: the only language that looks the same before and after pgp-encryption.

<CapPicard> hmm... it tastes like my roomie dumped a quarter of a bottle of jim bean into the stew.
<CapPicard> i had to put more chili powder to make it taste good
* mwilson tries to figure out a stew that's half chili powder and half Jim Bean...
<jbc> more chile is always good
<mwilson> Are you cooking, or making rocket fuel?
<CapPicard> our stew has taters, beef roast, carrots, oregano, parsley, garlic, pepper, corn, tomato paste, basil, chili powder, and yes jim bean
<RelDrgn> b33r st3w

* kleptog is talking strange things today...
<whitecap> radicals, all of you
<kleptog> whitecap: i'll get the anti-oxidants

* brunr spins radiohead meeting_in_the_aisle.mp3
* Epesh spins in his chair
* Epesh chokes himself on his headphone cord
* Epesh unspins
* Epesh breathes
* Epesh repeats as necessary

<Nanuq> http://24.102.13.52:1270 <- ph34r my stream
<Shadur> Nanuq: I really didn't need to know about your "stream"

<LustiLisa> See Dick run windows, see Jane run linux, see windows crash...Don't be a Dick! Run Linux

<roo> Epesh: I'm disappointed. Surely you can come up with a better retort than that
<roo> this is the Epesh of legend? handing out penis size mockery?

/* editor's note: this was contributed by rudelove */
<edfer> anydoby know about sockets??
<edfer> sockets???
<RudeLove> sockets? yea..
<RudeLove> those're the things with the legs, right?
<Epesh> never heard of 'em.
<Epesh> Maybe that's why I can't get this lamp to work.
<edfer> no, sockets of unix, comunication between computers
<RudeLove> edfer: sockets? is that what eunuchs have? ..I'd wondered about that..
<edfer> sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?sockets?
<RudeLove> edfer: malkovich?

<root> there is 3 years i'm been using linux....
<hadess> and 20 minutes you learnt english

<edlang> aj: it's a cred++ tshirt
<edlang> it's an Official Moving Shadow t-shirt
<aj> edlang: ah, so you move the shirt and its shadow moves with it. i've heard of that, sounds pretty clever.

/* editor's note: appeared on the debian-devel list in a post from Robert van der Meulen <rvdm@cistron.nl> at Fri, 29 Jun 2001 07:23:00 +0200 */
> > Just a thought, I also like 'debian-secure'.
> Since it's merely a hardened distribution, debian-harden would be better. It would allow us to get a hardened woody too.

/* editor's note: saw this in a .sig */ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by polarwolf */
<roo> somebody need my help
* PolarWolf hands roo his tights and cape
<stephen_> is it a bird? is it a plane? it pees, it must be roo!
<stephen_> if I could let roo fly I would buy shares in the umbrella industry I think :)

<rhowe> Mike_: Either you're wrong or the motherboard manufacturer wants raping by a donkey

* steven_2 will now initiate a strategic plan to reduce the amount of photons entering retina for the next half dozen hours.

/* editor's note: this was contributed by kleptog, shortly after the WTC/US Attacks */
<LustiLisa> I am going to go donate bone marrow or something cool
<LustiLisa> They can have a kidney if they want one.
<Efes> LustiLisa: donate a finger.
* LustiLisa gives Efes the finger
<LustiLisa> Like that

<Tamahome> you CAN lock down sendmail
<DannyS> Tamahome: just as you CAN make your own penis larger with home surgery

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries were contributed by daniels */
<SynrG> the days when men were men, programmers were programmers, and broadband meant carrying an armload of magtapes down the hall

<Mercury> I need someone who knows imake.
<willy> everyone that knew imake died in a tragic gardening accident in 1982
<Overfiend> OH, COME ON, LET ME FLAME THE FUCKER
<rcw> does anyone else think it's unhealthy for Overfiend to keep his feelings to himself?

<Skif> how to make chocolate moose, bork, bork, bork! Furst you get dee m00sie... heer, m00sie!

<gilc> purl, my porn
<purl> gilc, your porn is at http://sung.lostgeeks.net/pr0n , SEXY
<gilc> my porn has been updated.
<TorgoX> mmm porn.
<TorgoX> I feel a certain... closeness to you, gilc, knowing that we're SPORTING WOOD looking at the SAME PICTURES!
<TorgoX> Unless you're in it for just the /technical/ aspects of the photography.
<Oloryn> he just looks at it for the articles
<TorgoX> Gnat suggested I have a chapter in my book just on spidering porn.
<TorgoX> Well, I think it's straightforward next to the complex stuff I do in the other chapters.
<Fletch> _LWP and the Fine Art of Pr0n Spidering_
<jjohn> The Pr0n Cookbook: Getting Nekkid Pix in Half the Time
<sungo> Easy Recipies for finding Easy Women

<jjohn> My closets are clean and so is the cat!
<Oloryn> jjohn: you've been introduced the the martial art of washing cats?
<jjohn> Oloryn: No. I'm too chicken. I was fantasizing. My cat and I are locked in an ugly war of emotional attrition.
<jjohn> Oloryn: The cat may win, but he'll have to overcome my OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
<geoffeg> cats have DAMNED SHARP CLAWS.. you dont
<Oloryn> jjohn: what are opposable thumbs against the magnificance that is catness?
<jjohn> I WILL BRING MY CAT TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE.
<TorgoX> My cat can open doors. He just walks up to the door and scratches until I open it.

* Tv just used \ to split a text on multiple lines -- with pen and paper!

<vile_dmg> what is netbsd good for?
<NotEvii> Porting to pocket calculators?
<ian--> porting to archaic devices that don't need any form of UNIX
<ian--> do something useful? hah. i'll port netbsd to my toaster!

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by daniels */
<aj> DanielS: you've never swum in the murray river have you?
> aj: for i in have will; echo never $i; done
* aj marvels at how much more efficient Unix scripting is than doing things long hand

/* editor's note: saw this in a signature */ Crap can work. Given enough thrust pigs will fly, but it's not necessary a good idea.

<Kane> what's broken now?
<lathos> People.

/* editor's note: saw this on the debianppc mailing list, branden robinson provided the punchline */
> Hmm. Last time I disabled CONFIG_VGA_CONSOLE, it resulted in me getting
> a display consisting solely of bullet marks, instead of standard text. branden> I hear that happens if you bring your {Power,i}Book into work with you at Intel.

<Overfiend> Don't come crying to me about your "30 minute compiles"!! I have to build X uphill both ways! In the snow! With bare feet! And we didn't have compilers! We had to translate the C code to mnemonics OURSELVES!
<Overfiend> And I was 18 before we even had assemblers!

<binary> It's an expanded imaginary sphere around the earth
<pudge> you mean the so-called "atmosphere"?
<Addi> atmosphere is real i think.
<pudge> addi, bah
<pudge> it was invented by Disney
<binary> Yeah, the atmosphere is real =)

<Addi> It would be kind of cool to have a bunch of satelittes that were on the same trajectory as the earth around the sun, but going the other way.
<pudge> so twice a year we all have to duck?

<Addi> You know there is a "space weather" group at the university.
<Addi> They predict how solar flares hit the earth.
<Addi> It takes the flare or burst about 24-25 hours to reach the earth
<Addi> Their simulation takes 19 hours to run on 512 cpu machine
<Addi> giving us 5 hours to duck and cover ;)
<TonyC> wouldn't the solar flares be visible?
<Abigail> It's slow heat ;-)
> no light, and like heat travels so well in a vacuum.... sure
<sungo> heat is just particles with higher energy
<quidity> You cannot talk about "heat" as being anything at all.
<Fletch> if a solar flare falls in the forrest, does anyone hear it go "Ow"?

<lathos> So how *does* refraction work?
<sungo> monkeys
<sungo> lots of flying monkeys

<Citizen_X> I enforce data integrity by putting a line at the top of the file that says '# PLEASE TO BE NOT FUCKING UP'

<coral> purl, valley girl fucking is <reply>like uNF! like uNF! like uNF!

<Nanuq> Microsoft claims that one of the benefits of using Passport Wallet is that your credit card information is not stored locally on your computer, where it is vulnerable to theft, but is instead securely stored on Microsoft servers.

/* editor's note: saw this in a signature */ "Microsoft is a cross between the Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately, they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming."

-Evii- (opnotice/#linux/18@) I hereby vote DanielS as my choice for the new channel manager ;) -Lion-O- [Wall/#linux] /me kills evii -RelDrgn- i vote we shoot evii ;) -Evii- (opnotice/#linux/18@) Hey would be a great way to get rid of the lusers.. and regulars.. and ops.. ;)

############ buttload5 release 4 ends, release 5 begins ##############

<TorgoX> oh, and whoever those mystery bastards were in like 3000 BC that terrorized the Minoans and the Egyptians.
<dha> Torgo - isn't that *always* the way?
<ignatz> don't forget the Nubians
<ignatz> and the Hittites. they were a pain in the ass
<TorgoX> don't OPPRESS the Nubians, you OPPRESSOR!!
<dha> HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED
<ignatz> "Run, Bozothep! They have fuckin' CHARIOTS!!!"
<ignatz> the Hittites kicked egyptian boo-tay. there are BAS RELIEFS about it
<dha> YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH A BAS RELIEF
<TorgoX> You can't believe everything you read in the Cuneiform press.
* ignatz dumps a 40 lb clay USA TODAY EGYPT EDITION outside torgo's hotel room
> the bas reliefs just dont get involved in the argument, no fun, like talking to a wall... oh wait

<dha> My favorite (probably apocryphal) classroom philosophy story is about the final exam where the teacher put a chair on the desk at the front of the room and said "Prove this chair exists".
<dha> The (supposed) A+ answer was "What chair?"

<purl> "Do not open anyone's desk drawers, ever. one day you will open someone's desk and find a greasy grapefruit and a tube of anal lube. They probably didn't want you to know that, and you CERTAINLY didn't want to know that." -- Fmh's Ex-Boss
<Che_Fox> well, except that there's no such thing really as "anal" lube
<Che_Fox> lube is quite general purpose
<Che_Fox> you can use it in just about any orifice

<Heph> was it the intel P3 that changed core type half way through? what was the origional core called?
<Nanuq> Heph: HolyfuckAMDscatchingupwedbetterchangethings
<kyhwana> Otherwise known as HFAMDCUWBCT.

/* editor's note: the following 5 entries were contributed by daniels */
* SynrG notes that the number of configuration questions to answer in sendmail is NON-TRIVIAL

* james would be more impressed if netgod's magic powers could stop the splits in the first place...
* netgod notes debian developers are notoriously hard to impress

<sel> need help: my first packet to my provider gets lost :-(
<netgod> sel: dont send the first one, start with #2

<Overfiend> partycle: I seriously do need a vacation from this package. with everything I actually had a DREAM about introducing a stupid new bug into xbase-preinst last night. That's a Bad Sign.

<BenC> Bush just lost my vote for a second term
<wolfie> WHAT
<wolfie> YOU VOTED FOR THAT MORON
<wolfie> well one less person to pick for DPK
<Che_Fox> wolfie: don't judge like that.
<Che_Fox> judge like this!
<Che_Fox> YOU STUPID GIT WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OH MY GOD WE MIGHT AS WELL MOVE TO CANADIA

<DanielS> last time i got a critical bug filed on it and got it ripped out of testing, and threatened a fork
<Coronach> DanielS: a fork of what?
<DanielS> Coronach: light
<Coronach> You can't fork light.
<cmos> hrm, that depends, are we talking particle or wave theory?

-core_- bah, buttloading stopped being funny when i stopped being in it. -core_- before that i really liked the parts where i was talking.
>>-sjh- [#linux] core stopped being in it when I hardly ever saw him when I was here -core_- sjh: you could have called me at home for a good quote -core_- the fact I didn't come to IRC at all is a cheap excuse for not putting my brilliant jokes in -core_- on saturday and sunday I also provide advice about how to stay modest in spite of being brilliant and successful in life.
* sjh buttloads core
<core_> sjh: it's about time.
<core_> sjh: i mean, i know i put people off by having mastered the balance between modesty, brilliance and a certain style of clothing, but you should look beyond it

<a-mused> WE FEAR TWO THINGS; CHANGE AND UNCERTAINTY .. AND FEAR ITSELF. OUR
*THREE* PRIMARY FEARS ARE; CHANGE, UNCERTAINTY, AND FEAR ITSELF .. AND FURBYS. OUR *FOUR* ...
<sheriff> a-mused++ # Yet again
* a-mused quickly gets up out of his chair. upon noting he's not sitting on jelly, kaiser, seasme, onion, or a musician, he sits down. nope. I'm pretty sure I can safely say that I am *not* on a roll.
<sheriff> a-mused-- # Ok, that one sucked
<a-mused> fuck you. I worked Jellyroll Morton into that one. I should get bonus points! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!

<dynweb> don't even get me started about the other bitch of a rommate
<dynweb> i want to castrate her with napalm
<Citizen_X> I have a few points to make on that statement, dynweb
<Citizen_X> first of all..uhmm, nevermind. I have a single point to make, and that is that it's probably very difficult to use napalm to castrate
<quidity> We could experiment on dynweb, although I fear someone has beaten us to it.
<clintp> Sure it is. But you wind up giving the person a nice crispy tan at the same time. And the stench is horrible.
<Citizen_X> my other point was going to be that you can't castrate a female, but I looked at the definition
<dynweb> Citizen_X: using a napalm based flamethrower as a dildo would probably work
<Citizen_X> see, my personal definition of castration requires that the victim be alive when it's over
<Citizen_X> otherwise it's just a brutal messy killing
<clintp> "I'm still alive. Only badly burned."
<|siv|> BANG!
<|siv|> "you SHOT me! you shot me in the arm!"
<clintp> "You shot me!"
<jeek> cas·trate (kstrt)
<jeek> tr.v. cas·trat·ed, cas·trat·ing, cas·trates, To remove the testicles of (a male); geld or emasculate. To remove the ovaries of (a female); spay. To deprive of virility or spirit; emasculate.
* quidity goes to the OED to find an odd definition.
<|siv|> you could always castrate the Gallagher way! With the SLEDGE-O-MATIC!
<quidity> "The act of taking away a portion of the honey from the hive."
<quidity> Last used, c. 1620

<sungo> EVIL SOCK PUPPET RHUMBA
*** sungo has been kicked off channel #perl by dynweb (HELLO FUCKO)
<Citizen_X> dynweb seems to be a very violent person
<dynweb> i am.
<quidity> purl, today?
<purl> somebody said today was kick dynweb day or the day of kicking dynweb or the day in which dynweb is kicked or the day de la kick du dynweb or twenty-four dynweb kicking hours or spank dynweb with jdube's foot day or dia del dynweb del retroceso or reboot dynweb day or Stoßdynwebtag or defenestrate dynweb day or plant a boot on dynweb's ass day or jour de dynweb de coup-de-pied

<Citizen_X> winamp seems to be randomly choosing a lot of musing I don't want to listen to
<Citizen_X> in addition to the musing, it is also doing this with music

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by daniels */
*** Topic for #windowmaker: <orph> HOLY FUCK< I HAVE NO FEET! <orph> wait, i'm just wearing shoes

<sheriff> qq! McGeorge estimated that a suicide bomber could smuggle at least a single bar of C-4, a U.S.-made plastic explosive, measuring about 1.5 inches in diameter and 7 to 8 inches long. That would yield something in comparison to a pound of dynamite, he said. "I would say, you could smuggle about three pounds vaginally and a pound anally," McGeorge said. !
<Co-Kane> no dynamite up my ass please
<anno> ...as long as you're not trying to light farts you're safe
<brev> you can smuggle three pounds vaginally?
<brev> ban all pregnant women from flights now
<brev> sir, I'm afraid I can't let you on this airplane. You have a face like someone's put a rod up your butt.
<anno> never leave your ass unobserved on an airport
<Co-Kane> dont leave the ass of that cute girl unobserved either
<Co-Kane> do it for your COUNTRY

<billn> no joke #I# Signoff: Jouke ()
<anno> no jouke

<aj> DanielS: that's like saying "oh, it's just one limb, you should be glad your head didn't fall off"
<DanielS> aj: it keeps being reattached
<aj> DanielS: it's the falling off at all that's the pain.

<coral> http://www.timelessmail.com/ # Send up to 60 emails at the time of your death.
<quidity> Wow. spam your relatives
<kudra> Couldn't you just set up a cron job to run in a couple of decades?
<vorsprun0> kudra, hmm what if you live past 2034? cron might get fucked up then
<kudra> Obviously, you'll have to set it up to send you a mail in 2033 reminding you to kill yourself.
<vorsprun0> darn, only people with US social security codes can use timelessmail.com
<vorsprun0> what if the government made a mistake and decided you were dead and you weren't. That must happen
<coral> # must remember to kill myself.

/* editor's note: lots of netsplits were happening */
*** merril.openprojects.net has changed the topic on channel #debianppc to irc daemons - 5 opn - 0
*** walters has changed the topic on channel #debianppc to irc daemons - 8 opn - 0
<BlindMan> walters: still problems with the new ircd?
<walters> doesn't appear they're having problems; they're winning :)

/* editor's note: from carinne grant on the glass house on 2001-11-16 */ there should be women priests. Why is it only guys? Do you need a willy to talk to god? Is it an aerial?

<darkuncle> only dynweb would choose nicks like eediot, moron, yams and gravy
<darkuncle> also tofurkey
<gravy> eeediot is spelled with three e's
<gravy> get it right, fucktard!
* ignatz makes dressing out of darkuncle
<TorgoX> is it GIBLET?
<TorgoX> mmmmmm gouty
<ignatz> it's all giblets, baby
<ignatz> cholesteriffic
<ignatz> I should go down ot the store and demand to buy a 25 pound frozen BAG OF FUCKING GIBLETS
<ignatz> although I guess that's just another word for the family size frozen hotdog sack
<TorgoX> can I TOUCH your GLAND SACK?

<Mhoram> hey guys, help me figure out the name of this song I just heard? Its pretty heavy...sounds like the Foo Fighters in the mellow verse..but i'm really not sure that its the Foo Fighters...has a really really catchy lead guitar riff that gets repeated a lot. Any suggestions?
<ignatz> any lyrics?
<uathome> Mhoram: can you recite some lyrics maybe?
<TorgoX> MH -- King's Lead Hat, in Czech!
<Mhoram> eh..not really, I can hum it, but i'll try to get some out
* ignatz throws burning airlines at TorgoX
<ignatz> humming over irc just doesn't work so good
<crab> mhoram: i have this 128-bit number in my head, can you tell me what it is?
<crab> it has a 3 in it.
<Mhoram> I know, grasping at straws, but i'm dying to hear it again
<ignatz> crab has a 128-bit number in his head. he must be a TERRIST.
<crab> yes. yes, i'm a TERRIST.
<uathome> get him!

############ buttload5 release 5 ends, release 6 begins ##############

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries were contributed by polarwolf */
<LustiLisa> hehe message from my bf: me chief
<LustiLisa> me leaving now for food time
<LustiLisa> me love you like rabbit - gentle and nice year 'round
<LustiLisa> me love you like pine tree - always nice in winter
<LustiLisa> Can someone translate for me?
> He wants to get laid by you?
<LustiLisa> Where the hell do you get that?
> Right there, between the lines
> Sheesh, women.

<OldMonk> wlfshmn_: now, don't say anything nasty about RMS in my presence. he may be an unwashed commie hippie, but he's an unwashed commie hippie with ideals.
<gnuelse> OldMonk: mr stallman?
> gnuelse: Commonly know as "Dorky Richard", yeah
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: one should note the difference between ideals and halucinations from LSD flashbacks
<OldMonk> wlfshmn_: you're just jealous because you don't get to give your software away :)
> What does the "M" stand for anyway, Mervin? Or Marvin
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: No, I'm jelous of his well groomed facial hair
> OldMonk: I don't do software development
<OldMonk> wlfshmn_: that's because his doesn't increase on full moon nights ;)
<OldMonk> PolarWolf: i sympathise :)
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: Full moons atleast keep me in shape.
> OldMonk: Why? It's a voluntary choice not to become like wlfy
<OldMonk> PolarWolf: you have a point there.
<OldMonk> PolarWolf: uh, what /do/ you do for a living?
* wlfshmn_ bahs.

<GrndZero> I just ate the italian version of a twinkie
<wlfshmn_> GrndZero: Whats the difference? Came with a bottle of cheap red?
<GrndZero> I mean, it wasn't quite as bad as a twinkie. It's exactly what you'd expect if you handed a twinkie to an italian and said "make this"
<GrndZero> Facito alla confettura di albicocche
<OldMonk> what's a twinkie? little cake with custard in it?
<GrndZero> In other works, fluffy breadstuff with a gooey sweet feeling.
> GrndZero: In short: A twinkie
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: It's a random collection of chemicals
<OldMonk> wlfshmn_: that describes most food.
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: Well, this type has a warning lael on it saying it might contain residual traces of natural flavoring
<GrndZero> OldMonk: This stuff will last 100 years.
<GrndZero> Looking at the packaging of the italian variant here, I'd guess more like 5 years.
<OldMonk> GrndZero: question is, (a) will you, and (b) will you still want to eat it then?
<wlfshmn_> Yeah, twinkies will persist long after the cocroach has died out
<GrndZero> Oh, they won't be fossilised.
<wlfshmn_> OldMonk: They won't fozillise. They will be as mushy as ever when chipped out of the rock

<aviv> how I kill all dameons?
<Nanuq> aviv: you'll need a priest..
<aviv> ok
<metroplex> aviv: have you seen the exorcist ? * Nanuq twists his head 360 degrees

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by daniels */
<Overfiend> * Rebuild against the new expat, which UNEXPECTEDLY BROKE BINARY COMPATIBILITY
<Overfiend> bwa ha ha ha
<Overfiend> aaronl is totally adopting my unpleasant personality
<Overfiend> ah, the young and impressionable

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by lion-o */
<Jazzferr> am confuse now ... what should i do * rosc suggests euthenasia..
<Jazzferr> rosc can you help me .. pls

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by Nanuq */
<fast_> I have a small problem..I have xfree86 4.0.3 installed, but I also have xfree86 3.3.6 still installed and running!
<fast_> X: Are you a guru of XFree86? Mebbe you can help me with a small X prob?
* coke_nl ROFLs!
<kathul> bahahaa
<TenBaseT> JHAHAHHAHHAHA
<cjbranch> hahhahahaha
<fast_> excuse me? what is joke?
<fast_> I am being made fool! Pray why?!
<coke_nl> fast_: X is afk for a bit though...
<messy> fast_: You are stupid! Don't you know X only talks to qualified Linux gurus?
<fast_> Who is X anyway?
<messy> fast_: Ever hear of Linus Torvalds?
<fast_> Oh My Gawd!
<fast_> I didnt know!
<fast_> No wonder!

<FrozenMal> ANYBODY HERE EVER USED LINUX?
<Falchion> FrozenMal: Whats linux??
<FrozenMal> LINUX OPERATING SYSTEM
<Lyncos> linux dosent exist
<Lyncos> linux its a joke
<Benoni> FrozenMal: Actually, this channel is for discussion of the Linux (TM) family of spreadable lunch meats.
<Falchion> FrozenMal: There is only Windows and MacOS. Unless yo count DOS.
<Benoni> FrozenMal: We don't know anything about computers.
<Strider_> Benoni: I thought it was for Linux(tm) branded laundary soap.
<Benoni> FrozenMal: However, if you'd like to talk about salami paste, you've come to the right place.
<Falchion> Linux(tm) blue carpet
* Benoni licks his lips. Mmmm, salami paste.
<FrozenMal> Im in the wrong channel then #I# FrozenMal left channel #linux

<GrndZero> I left three laptops in my office when I left the company
<GrndZero> 2 of the laptops have magically disappeared
<GrndZero> yeah, but the NT guys stole about 20 servers
<Zymurgy> 20 servers? wow, now theres something you should probably notice someone sneaking out under their coats...
<devoid> hehe ya its amazing what you can get through with a "just taking some work home" =]
> especially if they are big servers, like dell power edge that you need two people to pick up
> what is that trolley and flat bed truck outsdide for... oh just taking some work home
<devoid> "what this? i thought it was a fridge!"
<Zymurgy> sjh: just taking the server farm out for some exercise...

* Greyfox shrugs, "I don't do Windows."
<Zymurgy> Greyfox: thats the mantra at the WA meeting, right?
<Zymurgy> "Hi, my name is Rick, and I'm a recovering windows user..."
<Greyfox> Zymurgy: Hey man, I've been clean for 7 years.

<Greyfox> LustiLisa: That's just begging the question why there were pills on the floor.
<sdsheeks> greyfox: maybe they got dropped?
<sdsheeks> greyfox: gravity has been around for awhile
<RelDrgn> sdsheeks: Greyfox predates gravity ;)
<Greyfox> sdsheeks: I don't trust this newfangled gravity shit...
<Greyfox> Why in my day we just floated off, and we LIKED it that way!

<messy> My God.
<messy> It's 12:00am already!?
<messy> that's impossible
<messy> It was 8:00pm 20 minutes ago!

<MattJ> Nanuq: QED == "well, duh"

<Coma> grr, damn phone. leave me alone!
* Coma plays the dumb little ignorant little fuck with the hp-sux techie on the other side of the line
<Coma> I learned something! I learned something!
<rosc> what did you learn?
<Coma> windose isn't the only os out there, there's also somethign called "joonicks", whatever that might be
<Coma> oh, and this joonicks thing pings!
<Coma> far out. I want that too!
<Coma> where may I get this joonicks?
<Coma> damn, no pinging joonicks for me then :/

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by Nanuq */
<Nanuq> Aragorn: eww, ounces
<Nanuq> Aragorn: wtf sort of canadian are you?
<Aragorn> Nanuq: I'm the typical canadain.. small weights/distances are still done in inches/feet/pounds..
<Nanuq> Aragorn: fooey
<Nanuq> Aragorn: I specify my height in cm, my weight in kg, and my penis size in km

<d1sturb3d> zymurgy, you don't have to be an asshole just because somebody asks for help
<jgaddis> Zymurgy: Don't let him lie to you. You *DO* have to be an asshole, mmkay?
<Zymurgy> I don't? damn... I thought I did...
<Zymurgy> jgaddis: oh, phew... had me worried there... :)

<LustiLisa> People have the wrong idea about Mounties
<LustiLisa> Epesh calls them Ridies because the use cars now

*** pippolo has been kicked off channel #linux by Coronach (man find.)
<xscope-> Coronach: running a dating service are you?

<stephen_> Debian could NEVER be at fault :)
<stephen_> because no debian developer would *ever* upload a package without *extensive* and *exhaustive* testing :)

* Coronach doesn't know who elmo is.
<Coronach> The short fuzzy red guy?
<xscope-> Coronach: the little red guy on Sesame Street.
<xscope-> Coronach: the gay one.
<stephen_> only problem elmo has, he looks a bit too much like RMS for my taste :)
<Coronach> GAY!
<Coronach> I said, I'm not gay!
* Coronach fucks xscope in the ass.
<xscope-> Coronach: Thats not what these pictures say!!
<Coronach> That'll teach you to say I'm gay.
* xscope- shows Coronach the pictures with "You're Gay" written on them
<DarkElf> xscope, we are BOFH's, you cannot use these tricks against us.
* xscope- uses the jedi mind trick on DarkElf, making him think he's a chicken
<xscope-> ..and we know what Coronach does to chickens.
<DarkElf> xscope, we are immune to it
<Coronach> chicken fuxq0r!
* Coronach lubes up with some egg yolk.
* Coronach shivers at his last comments.

* SansGrip expels milk from his nose
<SansGrip> and i wasn't even drinking milk

* Wells will never forget walking out of the theatre after LOTR and overhearing someone say "I wonder if there will be a sequel"

<Tamahome> madhacker: dude, if she's flying all that way to see you, there is NO NEED TO BE NERVOUS
<Greyfox> Well you could be nervous that she might actually have a penis. But apart from that...
<Greyfox> Ah I'm just yanking your chain.
<Greyfox> Most of the time they don't.
<Greyfox> At least 60% of the time.

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by apollo */
* Apollo trips eMeow-v2
* eMeow-v2 retrips Apollo
* Apollo trips eMeow-v2
* eMeow-v2 slaps Apollo with $random Unleashed
<Apollo> while($emeow_v2) { $apollo => assrape($emeow_v2); }
<eMeow-v2> wait4($Apollo,ATTEMPTTOASSRAPE); fart_towards($Apollo);
<Apollo> if($eMeow-v2{fart}) { bludgeon($eMeow-v2); }

<eMeow-v2> I tried to teach the kids my best, now look what they do:
<eMeow-v2> 10:06 * v0id is away: (*b0rk* *b0rk*) [BX-MsgLog On]
> your kids use bx? man disown them *duck*
<TenBaseT> "as long as you're living under MY ROOF, you're going to use EPIC4!"
> next thing you know they will be using slackware too, and leaving notes on the fridge in l337
<eMeow-v2> "d4d, w4 0wn3ed j00r b33r, s0rry"
> g0n3 70 h4nG 47 7h3 m411
<TenBaseT> h4y d4d! w1ll j00 p1ck u5 uP 4ft3r 5k00l?
<eMeow-v2> "m0m, c0uld 1 pl33z g0 t0 d1sc0 unt1l t3n 0'cl0ck? d4t w0()ld r0x0r"

############ buttload5 release 6 ends, release 7 begins ##############

/* editor's note: the following 9 entries were contributed by daniels */
<Joy> it killed my joe!
<liiwi> DEADJOE!
<liiwi> "Bastards! They DEADJOEd Joy's joe!"

<ElectricElf> Anyone have a favorite low-overhead remote filesystem protocol? (NFS and Samba are, of course, options)
<DanielS> ElectricElf: it's like asking "what is the least painful method of castration involving a rusty fishing wire"

* ds run apt-get install chicken egg

* neuro hits Clint with a really large fucking club.
<asuffield> you use a club for fucking?
<asuffield> must make it hard to get a second date...

<Overfiend> wiggy is totally immune to bitching
<Overfiend> you can do it, but it's a pointless exercise
<StevenK> Yeah, like filing a bug on debbugs
<Overfiend> maybe that's why he's not married; once the women figure out that it is completely impossible to motivate him by nagging, a feeling of profound terror settles over them and they flee :)

* wiggy spills vodka
<Viiru> wiggy: Policy should forbid doing that.
<wiggy> even worse, I'm almost out of vodka
<wiggy> that shouldn't be possible either
<wiggy> bwah, vodka in my mouse
* bod watches wiggy's mouse get drunk and attempt to crack onto the keyboard

<jbailey> Portability takes on a whole new meaming with SCO. It's the only system I know where you can't generally expect the include files in /usr/include, and the backspace key is mapped to Control-C!

<Joy> BTW, guys, imagine you were newbies ;) and read www.debian.org/distrib/
<Joy> tell me if anything bugs your newbie self
<asuffield> Joy: bash: www.debian.org/distrib/: No such file or directory
<Joy> not THAT kind of newbie. :)

<Robot101> you should see the daemon code for vm-pop3d =)
<Robot101> fork children... put fingers in ears and shout 'SIGNAL! WHAT IS A SIGNAL?' and hope they all go away. =)

/* editor's note: the following 3 entries contributed by Apollo */
<Ymir> ON-jOlt: morons usualy can't spell

<messy> Apollo-: Fuck *** *** fucking cock ******. ********* ** fuck ****
****** ** *** ass!
* Apollo- looks at messy
<Apollo-> Is this hangman?

<bmw95> how can i restrict directory browsing in apache?
<Lion-O> bmw95: check the apache manuals.
<bmw95> Lion-O ooo please get lost
<bmw95> like I get here without reading material
*** bmw95 has been kicked from #linux by Lion-O (no way (30 secs))
*** Joins: MrIron has joined #linux
<MrIron> in .htaccess, how would the "AuthUserFile /home/to/dir/passwd" file look like? <- Apache
<Lion-O> MrIron: ask bmw95
<Lion-O> MrIron: he's not here right now but he is our Apache guru. Just /msg him.
<MrIron> ok

<calc> only in the linux kernel: < > Ethertap network tap (OBSOLETE) (NEW)

<LustiLisa> My sun never sets
> yeah lisa thinks the sun shines out of her ass so hey

/* editor's note: possibly somewhat debian specific */
* BenC wonders how many people notice when he stays away from the channel intentionally
<BenC> usually it's when aj is going glibc-maintainer hunting :)
<aj> "*sssshhhhh* I'm huntin' glibc maintainers."
<aj> "gwibc", perhaps
<Jaq> <benc> sdl season! <knghtbrd> glibc season!

* RudeLove puts his athlon back together.
* dogbert2 watches as RL's machine explodes
<RudeLove> dogbert2: I said I was putting it back together...I didn't say I had the balls to power it up

<GrndZero> "China has already cloned human embryos"
<GrndZero> Go china
<xscope> yeah..thats what China needs..more people.
* GrndZero flies to china to get GrndZero Jr.
<xscope> `GrndZero 2: China's Revenge`
<me_again> in china you can get very cheap pirated copies of rh and suse ... no viruses on it
<GrndZero> dude, pirated copies of rh and suse!
<GrndZero> I'm moving to china!
<xscope> wow!
<xscope> dude, lets go!
<GrndZero> dude we can be roomies!

<mike_> xscope: Why did Sir Edmund Hillary climb everest?
<xscope> because he was an idiot?
<CapPicard> because he could (tm) and had no life?
<mike_> xscope: because it was there... this is something that humanity does, if there's something there to do, do it.
<xscope> why do people start wars? stupidity. why do people try to clone themselves? stupidity. why do people climb everest? stupidity.
<me_again> why do ppl install rh
<CapPicard> xscope: ugh... clones of stupid people... as if we don't have enough already
<xscope> CapPicard: exactly.
<mike_> xscope: why do you continue breathing? it all depends on definitions...
<xscope> I have no control over my breathing..the little gnomes in my head do that.

<TorgoX> I wonder how Eudora decides how to order attachments. Hm.
<Addi> MOST INCONVENIENT ORDER!

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by apollo */
* LustiLisa goes to bed for a new chair
* Apollo- looks at lisa
<Apollo-> Lisa: You come to my bed and I'll get you a new chair
<LustiLisa> I meant beg
<LustiLisa> damn typos

/* editor's note: the following entry contributed by roo */
<Epesh> I don't think I'd ever be mistaken for Lion-O
<Epesh> except by the blind, at a great distance
> Epesh: even then, the smell would be unmistakable

<adam24> anyone like to chat with me
<stephen_> I would like to chat with you
<stephen_> a/s/l?
<stephen_> do you have any nude pics of yourself? Your little sister? Your mom?
<Shadur> Your goat?

/* editor's note: saw this in a .sig, xL immortalised. */ "What's with these .nl servers applications all the time ?? Is the internet relocating to Holland ??" "With the Republicans in power over in the US, the Idiots in power in the UK (think the RIP bill) and the French in power in France, where else would it go? :)" -- Ariel Biener, Pim van Riezen, EuEFNet

/* editor's note: saw this in a .sig */ "You know, that couldn't be ANY MORE WRONG if it was in HTML with a .GIF of a psychotic nun in a bondage outfit clubbing a baby seal to death with an Al Gore doll."

<Falchion> Damn I love sex.
<Falchion> RedSteg: You around?
*** Topic change by Apollo- on #linux: #linuxhelp for help * [2.4.18/2.5.10/2.2.20] * FAQ: http://faq.linuxops.net/ * <Falchion> Damn I love sex. <Falchion> RedSteg: You around?
<Falchion> Apollo-: Uh.. Uh.. I didn't.. uh.. mean that.... Really! :P meanie
<Apollo-> Falchion: You'll get over it
<Falchion> Apollo-: At least it'll go away unlike a buttload :P
<Apollo-> Falchion: I could send it to sjh for possible inclusion
<Falchion> Apollo-: You evil bastard :) I know I like getting buttloaded but uh... not for THAT comment. People would get the right idea. I mean WRONG idea!

/* editor's note: the following 2 entries were contributed by daniels */
*** kleptog has quit: If you got enough Debianites together over dinner, it would take three days just to settle the check.
<infinity> Yes, but you'd have a very satisfied waitress at the end of it.
<aj> infinity: you'd be more likely to get the "Debian Free Dinner Guidelines" out of it...
<infinity> aj : With the companion piece "Debian Free Beer Guidelines"?

* KSergio chokes at : Software is like sex -- it's better if RMS isn't involved.

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by polarwolf */
<kyhwana> If porn turns you away from god, does dog porn turn you back?

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by freakzz */
<darque> when i type cl i get "command not found" from what package can i get this? anyone?
<Urchlay_> darque: maybe if you tell us what the cl command is supposed to do...?
<darque> i have absolutely no idea...

> an old timers day, we can all sit around forgetting things and talking about when we were young how we had to whistle into acoustic coupled modems to irc
<Strider> sjh: whistling? PEH!
<Strider> I had to short the phone wires together with a paper clip to get online!

/* editor's note: saw this in a .sig on d-d */
<Deek> Exactly how much of a PITA is this in C?
<Knghtbrd> It's written in C++.
<Deek> Hence my question.
<Knghtbrd> I could do something like it in C. Anyone who saw the results would think I was either a genius or out of my fucking mind. They'd be right on either count.

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by meow */
<steven_2> What if they're in #unixshells to talk about /bin/sh or /bin/ksh?
<OldMonk> steven_2: are you a fscking lawyer? :)
<steven_2> Then do you talk about unix in #unixshells?
<steven_2> since you talk about shells in #unix.
<OldMonk> `yes, your honour, my client DID join #unixshells, but only to discuss therelative merits and demerits of bash vs tcsh!'
<meow-> OldMonk: your client is getting away on brain dam^H^H^H^H^H^Hinsanity
<OldMonk> meow-: in #linux you're guilty until proven innocent, and sometimes even then.

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by Lion-O apparently spain just scored a goal... */
<Lion-O> hmm, finally got my X environment back up
<Lion-O> WindowMaker isn't very stable when it comes to emergency stops
<loply> Shite...
<Kanzaki> stupid
<kleptog> bummer
<stephen_> FUCK
<szymon> noooooo
<Lion-O> well, its not that bad
<loply> Hate it when that happens
<loply> Everyeone shout boo!
<Lion-O> indeed
<kleptog> Lion-O: oh come on, it's SPAIN

/* editor's note: saw the following in a .sig */ "Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

<mvd> Could anyone help me?
<cjbranch> mvd: you need to ask a specific question
<steg> like "What does a cow say?"
<Apollo-> cjbranch: What happened to your ESP?
<Apollo-> steg: I already told you. They say "Eat more chicken"
<steg> Apollo-: According to liviu, they say "MUUUUU IN ROMANIAN"!
<Apollo-> steg: Interesting...How do cows know Romania exists?
<steg> Apollo-: It's on their passports.

<nikkon> i have a problem
<coffea1> i have a solution
<eMeow-v2> I have a cat

*** EvilQuark has changed the topic on channel #linux to FAQ: http://faq.linuxops.net/ * [2.4.19/2.5.30] * Contrary to popular opinion, we do not sell blue carpet. Anyone mentioning blue carpet will ETOPICTOOLONG

<WyldOne> what someone think the help desk is a porn chat line?
<RelDrgn> "Hi, I have a problem with my cd-rom burner. What are you wearing?"

/* editor's note: the following entry was contributed by akopps */
<TenBaseT> Guys, consider it a true testament to good GUI design that obviously illiterate retards can wend their way to IRC.
<TenBaseT> Someone's done their job.

############ buttload5 release 7 ends, release 8 begins ##############