How To Create Your Very Own Web Site
These ingredients will supply you with various quantities of beer, butter and flour
you may do with these what you wish, and of course be creative and use different
amounts of any ingredients as you wish.
- 3 Ounces of butter
- 275 grams of butter
- 1 Cup of butter
- A Beer bottle full of butter (another excuse to empty a beer bottle)
- Flour (all recipes must have flour in them, some girl in a wig passed
that law sometime in the not to distant future) (yes this is mixing of
tenses, but rationality is for the small minded)
- Beer (thus ensuring complete lack of aforementioned rationality)
However as ingredients have some limitations in respect to web page creation we will
leave any further additions to your own imaginations. Books you may want to read on
the subject (either Ingredient Lists or Web Site Creation) are.
You may have noticed a lot of the content here has not been completely relevant to
the goal of writing a web site. There are a few ways we may assess this possibly
- Anything written by Harlan Ellison (this is a bit off topic but who cares as
he is the most brilliant author alive) for more details look at
- Any book by Linus Torvalds (yeah I know he hasn't written a book yet but that
shouldn't stop you) (the bloke who started the Linux kernel and is in charge of
- Any book by beer (yes yeast based alcoholic drinks can be creative too)
- Yes I know I am letting my opinions slip into this page but don't try to read
a book by me as I also haven't written one, and it would probably be better
for starting fires than reading if I had.
- A book of matches. (makes starting those fires a lot easier)
- A flame thrower (yes this isn't a book exactly but it definitely simplifies
the starting of fires)
- Recipe books are generally considered a good source of lists of ingredients
however it can be oh so boring reading through such things unless you
actually have plans to cook something. (or I suppose do something else, like
kinky games with chocolate sauce I suppose) There are more interesting things
to attempt cooking to ease the boredom, as an added bonus if you find something
that involves lots of heat or flame you can practise your fire starting skills
or use the flame thrower.
- Another good source of lists is "The Book of Lists" (I do unfortunately have
no details on this, however it does exist and may be found in libraries or
bookstores, go and ask at a friendly local library, bookstore or abattoir,
it is unlikely you will find this book in the abattoir however you can visit
anyway if you have interests in large amounts of gore (sheep or cow internals)
- Unix Network Programming by W R Stevens (second edition, volume 2), this will
enable you to write your own implementation of clients and servers for the
http protocol for use when looking at your web site you have created.
We of course will choose item 3.
- Write a document or a set of documents involving such things as html, well
structured data presentation, formal html specifications available from w3c,
extra features such as cascading style sheets, Java script, use if images,
text and other data to provide interesting and informative content, additional
things you may do such as CGI interfaces and other user interactive
- Do nothing and go away (after all there are more interesting things to do
with my time I suppose, such as starting fires or drinking beer, or both)
- Redefine the meaning of web site creation so it may include things of interest
to readers of this document (really who wants to know anything about html and
good content when we can read about beer and constructive pyromania)
What does it mean to create a web site?
Impress chicks, drink beer, set fire to things, generally have a lot of fun.
The big question is can we combine all the necessary elements into one set of actions?
Can we set beer on fire and impress chicks while conserving the most energy possible?
The answer of course is yes we can, but should we? Does the world really need flammable
beer? To burn beer would present us with a problem. It would be a huge waste of beer to
Also is the term chicks derogatory? A we trying to impress small birds just hatched
from their eggs? No I suppose chicks would indicate female humans, or in the
interests of sucking up to women everywhere the fairer sex.
It could also be construed that other terms we use in this discussion could be seen as
bad or wrong so if we take it to extremes. We are talking about attempting to impress
the fairer sex by removing flammability impaired properties of a popular malt based
inebriation inducing beverage.
On second thoughts, who cares, impressing chicks by burning beer sounds oh so much
better. Back to the main problem with this scheme, it would be a sin (although satanic
worship may be good clean fun for the whole family, we are talking about a sin that
is beyond salvation) to waste beer by burning it.
On this note we will have to scrap the idea of being able to combine the main aims of
creating a web site (Impress chicks, drink beer and set fire to things) by combining
them into one act. (we definitely wont be burning women as they are as much a scarce
resource as beer, although I suppose combining beer and women may have it's benefits
we will leave this for future study and possible experimentation)
Creating a website will involve any thing you do in order to Impress chicks, drink
copious amounts of beer and light as many fires as possible.
You may need help when attempting to create your website, some recommendations
for entities or individuals that may provide assistance are.
After reading through this document you should have the necessary skills to create a good
interesting and enjoyable web site. However if you dont, not to worry at least you will be
drunk, have a copious suply of beer, be sitting in front of a roaring fire, (the bigger the
better so lets burn Las Angeles to the ground, after all that city is a blight on existance)
and have many very impressed women surrounding you (well okay maybe not but I have to
make people think this is all worth reading somehow)
- Harlan Ellison, although he abhors computers and has never used one, the man is a
god so any assistance he will give you should be much appreciated.
- Ani Difranco, one of the best lyricists alive and a brilliant musical performer.
There is a website about Ani you can have
a look at.
- God (for I would hope obvious reasons, also he can probably create beer, and in
less time than it took him to create the world)
- Any other omnipotent and/or omniscient beings you are able to contact.
- Trevor and Blade (members of your all male harem)
- Carlton United Breweries (they make beer, enough said)
- Arthur Guinness & Sons, they make guinesss, a good beer.
- Sweden, the country that invented the match.
- Satan, he could be fun at parties and heck get him and God in a room together
and you never know what entertainment is in store for you. Also satan seems to
have a lot in common with fires and heat.
- Religous fanatics (or anyone overly religous you care to name) lots of fun to
toast on fires at parties.
- A Bag of Marshmallows (also a lot of fun to toast on a fire)